Toot toot! Pippa crowns the new Chelsea tractor

JAMeS and Pippa Middleton roared into Wimbledon in a Land Rover Defender. No longer in production, this all-terrain, four-wheel vehicle has long been beloved of adventurers and farmers — although the last time I looked, James was making marshmallows, not hay bales.

Much used by the Armed Forces, this workhorse vehicle climbs every mountain and fords every stream — but at the moment its sad destiny seems to be as the Chelsea tractor that puts all the other Chelsea tractors to shame.

It is frequently sighted in West London, driven by men in pale blue suede loafers or women on their way to a hot yoga class or a date with a mindful cup of matcha tea.

This mighty, lovely rugged vehicle deserves so much more than to end up as the plaything of rich dopes who care little for their carbon footprint or hogging city roads. Don’t hate me, but I really want one.