BUMBLE AT THE TEST
IT SUCKED BEING AWAY
I’M BACK! I missed Bangladesh and India. And I miss you, my loyal reader. So what have I been doing? I’ve been horseracing, golfing and fishing. And I’ve bought a vacuum cleaner. It’s one of those cordless detachable gizmos, with powerful suction. Ideal for doing the stairs. Sadly, I live in a bungalow.
A YORKSHIRE DEVIL
WHAT a special moment for Joe Root. It’s a given he’s one of the best players in the world, and it’s obvious now he will respond to captaincy in a very positive way. Don’t be lulled by his angelic smile. This lad is as tough as old boots and would be well at home with the grittiest of Yorkshiremen — think Ray Illingworth and Brian Close.
YOU’RE BUSTED, KEATON
REVIEWS are so important now. Oh, Keaton Jennings (right) — what were you doing? Why talk to Gary Ballance? You should have a good idea from your stance as to where the ball pitched and how it behaved. Two inexperienced batsmen got it terribly wrong. Then Ballance chose to review when he was stone dead lbw.
BALLANCING ACT
JOE ROOT said he’s had a big say in this team. He’ll never be stronger than he is right now. Gary Ballance at No 3 is obviously Joe’s call and it has surprised a few. But don’t forget he averages almost 50 at No 3 in Tests. Liam Dawson’s inclusion smacks of Ashley Giles: a bowler who can hold things together while the quicks attack.
ALL VERMOUTH AND RED TROUSERS
IT’S nice to be back in the Big Smoke. Pre-match I went posh, to Primrose Hill. There were plenty of red trousers, and the restaurant menu included roulade, jus, confit, terrine, goujons, poulet, poisson and petits pois. In northern terms, a bit of duck, a bit of chicken, fish and chips, and mushy peas. I kicked off with a glass of Dubonnet, while my companion sampled the Campari and soda. The bill was a snip at £95.
A REAL KANGA-BREW
I’M really more of an ale man, so I was thrilled when a bottle of All-Rounder (right) arrived from the Haresfoot craft beer brewery. It’s a Cricket Writers’ Club ale, featuring English and Australian hops. I think it’s made from essence of kangaroo. The last line is: ‘Howzat for a wonderfully refreshing summer ale!’ It’s 3.7 per cent and very quaffable.
OH LORD’S, GET ON WITH IT!
WE had a full house at Lord’s and an excellent spell of bowling from Vernon Philander. But my oh my, the pedestrian pace of the game was staggering! Players wander on and off, field placings take an eternity, batsmen change this, that and the other, umpires have a chat... Altogether now, get on with the game!