Confessional

What the car valet really thinks about you

I WORK at a garage in a nice area, but we get some cars in that are like travelling wheelie bins. I can’t get over how much rubbish people leave in their cars. I’ve had posh mums with seats covered in juice, baby food and worse. One had let the baby’s bottle roll under the seat and leak, so the whole car smelled of milk. She said: ‘Oh, I did wonder what the smell was.’

I’ve also retrieved a fossilised takeaway burger from under the driver’s seat of one man’s car. I showed it to him and all he said was: ‘It shows what a lot of additives they put in these things.’

I’ve even found knickers, and once, a lacy red bra. I was embarrassed, but I asked the owner if he wanted it back. He just said it must have been his teenage son and his girlfriend, though I don’t think many teenage girls can afford Agent Provocateur underwear.

I love cleaning the outsides of cars, but I hate the insides. Often, the pricier the car the worse people treat it. Range Rover drivers are the messiest.

My favourite customers? The older people. They take care of their cars; they see them as a luxury, not a right. We have one gent in his 80s who drives a classic car, and it’s always impeccable. I don’t know why he gets it valeted, but when it comes in, I treat it like my own.