My bulimia battle, by top rugby referee
‘Make myself sick every meal’
Rugby referee Nigel Owens has spoken of his ongoing battle with bulimia – revealing he made himself sick several times before the last rugby World Cup final.
Owens, who became the first man in professional rugby to come out as gay in 2007, has battled the eating disorder for 27 years.
The 46-year-old, widely considered one of best referees in the world, admitted making himself sick ‘three to four times’ before a Test match between England and Argentina last month.
He also saw a spike in his bulimia ahead of refereeing the rugby World Cup final between New Zealand and Australia at Twickenham in 2015.
Speaking as part of a BBC Panorama special exploring male eating disorders, Owens said: ‘It started sneaking back probably a little bit just before the World Cup in 2015.
‘I was under huge pressure now to reach certain fitness levels ... So I sort of made myself sick a couple of times as well leading up to sort of the fitness testing and stuff like that.’
Bulimia nervosa is an eating disorder and mental health condition that sees sufferers severely restricting the amount of food they eat, then binge eating and purging the food by making themselves vomit or using laxatives.
Eating disorders have the highest death rate of any mental health illness and are estimated to affect 1.6 million people in the UK, including around 400,000 men and boys.
Owens developed bulimia at the age of 19 as he struggled with depression and his sexuality. The Welshman said he first started making himself sick because he was ‘obese in my eyes’ and thought men would not find him attractive.
‘I started realising that the sort of type of person I was finding attractive was not finding me attractive, or would not find me attractive because I was fat, I was overweight, obese in my eyes,’ he said.
‘I started making myself ill, I wanted to lose weight so I’d go to the toilet and I’d make myself sick pretty much nearly every meal.’
The referee, whose struggles saw him attempt suicide at the age of 26, continued to suffer from bulimia until his mother was diagnosed with terminal cancer when he was 36.
‘ I think seeing what my mother went through made me stop,’ he said. ‘After years of bulimia, it seemed like I’d finally got control.’
But the disorder returned in 2015 as the pressure built ahead of the World Cup final – the pinnacle of Owens’ career – and continues to affect him.
Speaking about England’s summer tour in Argentina last month, he said: ‘While I was out there, I made myself sick three to four times – I think because I was eating more food than I needed.
‘It’s been a reality check. Speaking to experts I acknowledge now that I need to do something, to ... try and get this out of my life forever.’