Confessional

What the duty-free shop assistant really thinks

THE upside of my job is that so many customers are thrilled to be going on holiday. But the downside is the same. Overwrought kids get wildly excited about giant-sized sweets and scream when they can’t have them. After a few preflight proseccos, their parents aren’t that great at calming them down.

One couple had a row about how many bottles of spirits to buy — he was determined they could squash it into the overhead locker and she was shouting that they wouldn’t be allowed on the plane. Turned out she was right.

The worst are stag parties. They want to get everyone else involved in the ‘banter’, trying on hats and pretending to swig from bottles. After six hours on my feet, I find it rather hard to join in the hilarity.

Businessmen often buy two bottles of perfume. They may just be generous husbands, but I often suspect there are two different recipients. One bought a cheap lipstick and a £120 bottle of scent and asked me to put them in separate bags so he didn’t ‘get mixed up’.

The worst thing is when people think they don’t need a boarding pass to buy goods. The amount of arguments I have with red-faced men who ‘know their rights’. Actually, they don’t. But we have security guards who step in.

I do wonder who drinks the weird-flavoured spirits we sell.