I’m 17 and worried the only thing men want me for is sex

DEAR BEL, I’M NEARLY 18; my boyfriend is 24. For a few months we’ve seen each other every weekend. He’s very mature, caring and sensitive and he makes me laugh.

We got serious fast, and actually had sex within the first few hours of meeting — and that’s the main thing we do.

He’s never taken me on a date, just constantly asks for sex. I never say no, even if I want to.

I’ve told him we need to go out and he always agrees, but nothing changes. I’m beginning to get bored and sometimes feel he sees me as nothing more than a sex object.

It also worries me that my stepcousin claims my boyfriend flirts with other girls online. He wants to break us up because he has a huge crush on me and makes inappropriate comments. He says that since he helped me through a few problems, I ‘owe him’ and he ‘deserves’ sex with me.

During my previous relationship (online, never in person) this step-cousin actually talked me into kissing him. I didn’t enjoy it and vowed never again.

However, a few hours before I typed this email he started touching me all over and I didn’t tell him to stop. He pressed me for sex and eventually I gave in.

I feel so bad. This would devastate the boyfriend I adore. I never wanted to hurt him like this. But I am worried he’s using me or also cheating on me. It’s odd he doesn’t want anyone to know we’re dating. He says it’s because I’m only 17 and his parents wouldn’t approve.

Since November, a 20-year-old guy I went to school with has been begging me for sex. He’s attractive — but honest that he only wants a ‘sex buddy’. I’m worried I’m going to give in and cheat again.

All my friends are guys and two have also tried to get me to have sex. Sometimes I feel they don’t care about me as a friend.

For most of my life I was terrified of sexuality. My parents raised me to believe it was wrong (unless you’re married), but I know it’s a natural thing that can strengthen a bond between two people.

Flaunting myself gave me a rush because it felt rebellious — but now I worry the way I dress and act has brought the wrong types of people into my life.

I’m tired of being looked at one way. What would you do? SUZIE

THOUGH it might sound shocking to some people, there’s much in your email I can identify with — because I do remember clearly what it was like to be young and crave the drug of male attention.

Your unedited letter makes it very clear to me that men feel they can use you at will — that’s wrong, and will make you much unhappier, even more so than now, unless you take back control. Believe me, any judgments or advice I now offer are prompted by memories of my younger self at a time when I, too, had little self-esteem.

You say you ‘adore’ your boyfriend, contradicting your admission that you’re getting bored with his one-track mind. If you do nothing but jump in the sack each time you meet, this is not a proper relationship — it deserves that term no more than the previous one which happened only online.

Please! You’re still very young, but old enough to start understanding some truths about love.

In truth, your current ‘boyfriend’ is not a boyfriend in any sense I’d recognise; not if he uses you, but won’t acknowledge you as his girl. You should dump him as soon as possible — to prove to yourself that you can. That step- cousin sounds an out-and-out creep. How dare he say you ‘owe’ him! You can surely see how loathsome that is. You must also realise just how concerning it sounds to me when you write: ‘I’m worried I’m going to give in and cheat again.’ Please do talk to someone you trust about him, whether that’s an older relative or perhaps a tutor or one of your old school teachers. don’t blame yourself, but you are vulnerable and your isolation among a group of toxic, male, so-called friends is dangerous.

YOUR conservative background left you very confused, at odds (as it must have been) with the world around you. I suspect your critical parents instilled you with little self-esteem, leaving you with this deep, desperate sense of gratitude when any man pays you attention. In time, you might consider counselling to address these issues.

For now — if you feel uncomfortable, how about dressing differently? Or instead of ‘flaunting’ yourself (as you say), making an effort to bond with girlfriends?

I think you should ditch the men around you and focus instead on kindness, companionship, shared interests and fun.