Confessional

PEOPLE always think my job is romantic, marrying happy couples in beautiful settings. But sometimes it’s quite hard not to make negative assumptions about relationships.

I have had a few green-card style weddings. We have to refuse to perform the ceremony if we think they’re marrying for British citizenship and in the case of one couple — he was 24 and didn’t speak English, she was a 50something ex-social worker — I was so suspicious I said I couldn’t do it. They came clean in the end.

Legitimate couples can be equally baffling. Last year I marred a 19-yearold girl and a 58-year-old man. They insisted they were in love. The small gathering seemed genuinely happy for them — though I had to suppress a smile during the readings about ‘spending a lifetime together’. I thought, he’ll be dead before she’s 40!

Mostly the summer blurs into one long day of sweet peas, tearful mothers and repetitive readings.

When there are disasters, I try to be unflappable. One bride was half an hour late because the car tyre burst. She’d left her phone behind and everyone thought she was jilting him.

He was shaking and clinging to the best man when she turned up. But it was a lovely ceremony in the end. What the wedding registrar really thinks about you