4 ques­tions to ask be­fore you start an af­fair

Daily Mail - - Inspire - By RIma HawkIns, sex and re­la­tion­ship psy­chother­a­pist

1. WHY ARE YOU HAV­ING AN AF­FAIR? NINE times out of ten, at­trac­tion to some­one else is about a need not be­ing met in your mar­riage — the ex­cite­ment of sex that’s dif­fer­ent, hav­ing some­one

who lis­tens to you. Rather than throw­ing out ev­ery­thing you have built, try to fix what you have.

2. WHO ELSE WILL THIS AF­FECT?

WRITE down the names of ev­ery­one whose lives would be af­fected if you had an af­fair — not just your hus­band and chil­dren, but your

po­ten­tial lover’s chil­dren, your friend­ship groups, your fam­ily.

3. HOW WELL DO YOU RE­ALLY KNOW HIM?

HOW of­ten have you warned your chil­dren about ‘stranger dan­ger’? Dur­ing an af­fair you spend so lit­tle time with your lover that you can­not know enough about his back­ground. Many dan­ger­ous men prey on vul­ner­a­ble women. Af­ter I di­vorced, I had a po­lice check done on my new part­ner.

4. SHOULD YOU END YOUR MAR­RIAGE FIRST?

A NEW re­la­tion­ship stands a bet­ter chance of suc­cess if you have ended the pre­vi­ous one first. If your mar­riage isn’t work­ing, end it and start again with­out the bag­gage of in­fi­delity.

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