YES, THEY REALLY ARE CAKES!
Bake Off’s back and these crazy creations are just for starters
THEY are creations that would not look out of place in the final of The Great British Bake Off.
Yet these extraordinarily convincing ‘illusion cakes’, made to look like a BLT sandwich, a watermelon, a stack of pancakes and a bowl of noodles, were crafted during last night’s first episode of the new series.
The fiendish task was billed as the ‘hardest first showstopper’ ever to be set on the hit baking show – which has moved to Channel 4 – and was always going to sort the wheat from the chaff.
And the triumphs of deception and baking competence were certainly matched by disasters, in the form of a black clutch bag and a loaf of bread with a snapped knife.
Indeed, while marketing executive Steven was crowned the first star baker for his bacon, lettuce and tomato sandwich, the challenge proved the undoing of IT manager Peter.
The 52-year- old had earlier finished bottom of the technical challenge when piping the wrong type of chocolate on his mini-rolls, and was then doomed when the sugar knife for his bread broke.
Nevertheless, the show’s return was met with a positive reaction from fans, who commented that it had barely changed in moving from the BBC.
One aspect that was strikingly similar to the corporation’s version was the prevalence of innuendos, including mentions of ‘bare bottoms’, ‘a nice pair’ and even a ‘moist clutch’.
At one point, ex-Army officer Sophie unintentionally produced a phallic moment, when moulding the shaft of her fondant icing champagne bottle.
Following Paul Hollywood’s bold claim that this year’s contestants were the best bakers ever to grace the tent, Steven threw down the gauntlet with his ‘Baker’s Lunch’ cake.
Indeed, both Hollywood and his new cojudge Prue Leith, who has replaced Mary Berry, looked taken aback at the creation, describing it as ‘stunning’ and ‘perfect’.
Such was the level of trickery that Miss Leith – who was not afraid to show her formidable side when faced with below- par cakes – commented: ‘You wouldn’t think it wasn’t bread.’
Meanwhile, Merseyside grandmother Flo, 71, made a watermelon cake that would not look out of place in a greengrocer’s, and 19-yearold student Liam wowed with his fake pancakes.
Molecular biologist Yan, who works for the NHS, demonstrated her ability with her Asian-inspired dish, featuring fondant icing noodles and chicken ramen made from Rice Krispies.
However, at the opposite end of the leader-board, exschool teacher Stacey left the judges stumped with her black clutch bag cake.
Miss Leith said: ‘I am not certain I would know it was a handbag’, while Hollywood said: ‘It looks like a decorated cake rather than a handbag.’
It was not the first time Stacey, a stay-at-home mother, had faltered – earlier in the episode she resorted to throwing her cake in the bin.
In an earlier round, Yan also threw her first attempt at an apple crumble cake in the bin, before starting again.
Speaking about becoming the first baker to leave the tent, Peter said: ‘I’m disappointed to be the first off, but it has been a lovely experience throughout. It was quite surreal from day one, and I wouldn’t change any of it for the world. All of the bakers are my friends now, and they are amazing in their own way. They are a wonderful bunch and I will be watching them throughout.’
Hollywood said: ‘The standard of the show is so high, but unfortunately it was Peter’s turn to go.’
Last week Channel 4’s outgoing chief creative officer, Jay Hunt, said the show would need to be watched by 3million people for the broadcaster to break even. The broadcaster spent a reported £75million on a three-year contract for the show, which aired for seven series on the BBC.
‘Prevalence of innuendos’
Twent y-five million quid buys a lot of chocolate sponge. Channel four execs have to wring all that dough out of their new Great British Bake Off (C4), and they started by jamming 17 minutes of adverts into the format.
Otherwise, it follows the old recipe, even down to the background of pizzicato strings and rain drumming on the marquee canvas.
fans of the classic Mary Berry years are not going to throw their floury hands up in dismay and cry: ‘they’ve ruined it!’ But like a pie with that hint of a soggy bottom, Channel four’s Bake Off knock-off isn’t quite as satisfying.
for a start, it’s missing Mary. Prue Leith, who replaces her as judge, is a terrific cook and a relaxed tv personality, but she lacks that sweet kindness, the grandmother touch, that made her predecessor so much loved.
Prue is not afraid to make withering criticisms. ‘ it’s a bit stodgy,’ she told the youngest contestant, 19-year-old student Liam, as he served up his very first bake. that’s harsh.
And without Mary’s twinkling presence, fellow judge Paul Hollywood is swaggering rampantly. He clearly thinks that, as the only original cast member, this is now the Hollywood Show. Smug and pompous, he extends a handshake to favoured bakers, like the Pope offering his ring to be kissed.
At least Paul looks happy to be there, which can’t be said of either Sandi toksvig or noel fielding, who have replaced Mel and Sue.
Sandi is a jobbing presenter, equally at home with the cosy liberal laugh-in of Radio four’s news Quiz or the quiz classic fifteen to One. She could probably host Match Of the Day, for the right inducement. But she wouldn’t pretend to care about football, and she doesn’t seem like a woman with a craving for cupcakes either.
noel isn’t even a presenter. He looks like a spider trying to read a script. for the opening sequence in a hot-air balloon, he was dressed in leathers and a top hat, as though he’d escaped from a Roald Dahl story. that was promising.
But by the time he arrived in the tent, he had toned down and was wearing a silk shirt with a raven motif. noel’s days of deranged gothic comedy are behind him: he has become corporate and slightly suburban. He even had a go at Bake Off’s obligatory double entendres. inspecting a female baker’s gooey cake shaped like a chic handbag, he told her: ‘i’m looking forward to your moist clutch’ — and said it so wearily, it was less innuendo than self-loathing.
By far the most loathsome thing on view was Horizon’s documentary What Makes A Psychopath? (BBC2) which started with the bizarre statement: ‘we have a strange liking, even a romantic hankering, for these predators.’ no evidence was offered for this puerile analysis.
the show played a cheap trick, playing extensive excerpts from interviews with four deeply disturbed killers in American prisons, and revealing at the end that none of them is medically classified as a psychopath.
Much worse was the decision to read from letters by the Moors Murderer ian Brady, written after Horizon producers contacted him at Ashworth high security mental hospital a couple of years before his death.
Brady wrote back because he enjoyed the attention, said presenter Professor Uta frith. that means BBC funds were used to give a small degree of succour to Brady in his last days.
How stupid. How callous, thoughtless and disrespectful to his victims and their families. How disgraceful.