Being the highest paid woman on TV doesn’t make Claudia funny
After an opening show that lasted for 100 star- spangled minutes, Strictly Come Dancing (BBC1) roared back onto our screens, heralding so much more than a new season of ankle twirls and hot flushes.
Sir Bruce forsyth has passed away and former head judge Len Goodman has finally retired, but some things will never change.
the return of Strictly means autumn is here, Christmas is on the horizon and Claudia Winkleman is still the highest- paid woman on the BBC.
One word. Why? Claudia may have her quirky charm, but those prop jokes still aren’t funny and I can’t understand half of what she says. In the Clauditorium or down on the dance floor, her delivery is so odd — a hurried gust of words strengthening towards a gurgling emphasis at the end of each sentence — that much of her frangible wit is lost.
even with my telly volume turned up to Old Lady In A Care Home Under A flight Path levels, it is still tricky to decrypt her expensive effervescence. Or is that just me? tess Daly, on the other hand, always comes across loud and clear. Isn’t that the irony to end them all?
even when equipped with fresh batteries and a mad daub of hen night lipstick for this 15th series, tess still has nothing interesting to say, preferring as always to keep her exchange of banalities with panting dancers on the dull side of trivial.
It’s not her fault. What can one do with contestants such as the already annoying ‘celebrity’ chef Simon rimmer, who insists he invented pulled pork? Point out his equally close connections to hard-boiled tripe and move on.
following a tribute to Sir Bruce expressed through the medium of dance — lovely, actually — tess cried at the memory of the man she worked with for more than a decade. ‘He was a true gentleman to the end,’ she said.
Claudia described him as ‘ the kindest man in the world’. One assumes she wasn’t including her agent in that global summation.
Most annoyingly, tess and Claudia continue to hold hands a lot, as if they were just two ickle wickle girly-wirlies joining forces against the big, bad world of showbiz. Still, it is to Strictly’s eternal credit that minor irritations tend to be swept away by the sheer exuberance and good-heartedness of the show.
As ever, it is simply irresistible, with a line-up of familiar faces who have become as dear as old friends. Darcey! Pasha! Katya! No, not you, Craig.
Saturday night began with a riot of feather fans, a ram-raid on Liberace’s secret sequin factory and everyone dancing their support socks off. the opening number was a sustained attack on the senses, lasting for nearly ten minutes and featuring new head judge Shirley ‘the Queen of Latin’ Ballas doing a fandango of power in her red jazz shoes.
the other judges seemed slightly discomfited by her, an interesting dynamic for when the series proper begins in a fortnight.
As ever, at the Strictly heart are the 16 celebrities leaving a place they call ‘my comfort zone’ to thunder into the ballroom of broken dreams.
They include reverend richard Coles, with his parish house teeth and crazy hips, and magician’s assistant Debbie McGee, who is trying to play down the fact that she once ran a ballet school. Not to mention singer Alexandra Burke and entertainer Brian Conley, who have both, ahem, appeared in musical theatre.
So far my favourite is ItV presenter ruth Langsford, who has been teamed with Anton du Beke. ruth is married to grumpy eamonn Holmes, with whom she often co-presents on ItV.
On screen by his side, she is sometimes distressingly like a surrendered wife; told to shush, humiliated about her weight, informed by hubs that she is not as good a dancer as she thinks.
Slipped of her moorings amid the Strictly glitter, she suddenly looks joyful, wild and sexy.
ruth! We are depending on you to prove the old grump wrong.