THE FOUR DIFFERENT TYPES AND WHAT MAKES THEM TICK
OBLIGERS
YOU meet deadlines and keep your promises. Obligers make good bosses and team players, but find it hard to say no and can get bogged down and overworked, often making them prone to resentment.
This is the biggest category, representing around 41 per cent of people — so if you’re trying to guess at someone’s tendency, it’s a good place to start.
Tips for Obligers:
IF YOU start to feel overwhelmed or exploited, start delegating fast. DON’T get frustrated by your lack of self-discipline. LOOK for outside supervision and deadlines to help keep you motivated. Be SUre to carve out time for yourself to avoid burnout.
If your partner is an Obliger:
heLP them say ‘yes’ to less. APPeAL to their sense of obligation (‘Going for a bike ride isn’t selfish, it’s setting a good example to the family’). SeT explicit deadlines (‘The lawn will need mowing this weekend’). OFFer to share some of their load.
QUESTIONERS
YOU like information and efficiency, and hate making a decision unless you’ve done extensive research. Questioners may exhaust themselves (and others) with relentless questioning. Overthinking can make decision-making hard. You accept direction only from people you respect.
Tips for Questioners:
LIMIT research to avoid ‘analysis paralysis’. WATCh for signs of impatience and complacency in your manner (which others might find insulting). TrY not to resist the advice of experts (who might think you rude). reMeMBer questioning can be exhausting. TrY not to ignore rules or query something without communicating your reasons first. SAVe your questions for the big issues.
If your partner is a Questioner:
ACCePT that their constant questioning isn’t necessarily confrontation or defiance. DON’T use ‘because I said so’ or ‘it just is’ as answers. BACK any request with expert evidence. DON’T ask them to justify their decisions — Questioners don’t like being questioned. ACCePT a degree of bending of the rules (such as speed limits and parking restrictions).
UPHOLDERS
YOU are self-motivated, reliable and conscientious, but you can also be rigid, demanding and impatient. Think Hermione Granger from the Harry Potter books. Upholders tend to be the do-gooders who meet deadlines and keep resolutions without any fuss or fanfare.
Tips for Upholders:
BE PATIENT with those who are less conscientious than you. TRY to be a team player when/if you can. DELEGATE to avoid feeling overwhelmed. AIM to loosen up a little and be less rigid. ACCEPT that everyone makes mistakes (even you!) and that sometimes you just have to let people down.
If your partner is an Upholder:
DON’T expect them to break from their cherished schedules and routines. NO NEED for supervision or reminders — if they’ve promised, it will happen. BE PREPARED for irritation if you don’t conform to their demands. DON’T ask them to flout rules (such as jumping a queue). HELP them by reminding them of inner expectations (‘You don’t have to do that’).
REBELS
YOU’RE not one for following rules, but that makes the Rebel a creative type, unfettered by the constraints of convention. You respond well to a challenge and thrive where you can work in your own way, but you can be infuriatingly intransigent, resistant to routines and hard to deal with.
Tips for Rebels
YOU don’t take orders well, so partner up with others to ensure tasks you don’t enjoy get done. TRY not to resist when asked to do something. DON’T let your resistance to norms become self-destructive or counterproductive.
If your partner is a Rebel
ACCEPT that Rebels work best when the Rebel is in charge.
REBELS respond best to a sequence of information, consequence, choice. Give them the information, alert them to the possible results, then let them choose.
TRY using their spirit of resistance to get your way. Challenge them in a way that engenders a response of: ‘I’ll show you’ or ‘Watch me’.
INCITE them to act through love, a sense of mission or belief in a cause.
LONG-TERM relationships (work or romance) work best with an Obliger.