Ennui in the air as MPs head off yet again

HERE endeth the September parliamentary session. It lasted less than two weeks. MPs broke up yesterday for (oh joys) the conference season. They will reassemble in Westminster in the second week of October.

Parliament never used to bother with September sittings but then the newspaper leader writers – tortured, anonymous souls who are chained to sober desks – started to complain that our politicians were ‘not working hard enough’. This was a misreading on at least two counts. First, MPs are just as capable of idleness while at Westminster as they are when in their constituencies. Second, the life of the nation is not necessarily improved by politicians being busy.

Political inactivity can be a blessing. It allows the country to get on with life unmolested.

Yesterday an air of ennui hung over the Commons as it gathered for Culture Questions at 9.30am. We heard of such vital matters as the installation of cashpoint machines in disused red telephone boxes in Hampshire, the encouragement of minority background women to take exercise, and sports minister Tracey Crouch’s lack of success in a charity three-legged race.

Ben Bradley, energetic new Tory MP for Mansfield (he ousted John Prescott’s old travelling companion, Sir Alan Meale-ticket), said it was time that fine Nottinghamshire town became a tourist destination. Watch out, St Tropez.

Liam Byrne had his first outing as a shadow culture minister. He suggested that the reason he had been returned to the front bench was that he had grown a Corbyn-style beard.

We also had sight of the new arts minister, John Glen. He started two of his answers with the word ‘so’. Meanwhile, Labour’s deputy leader, Tom Watson, inveighed against gambling. If Labour, which in the Blair years cosied up to bookmakers, is to return to a more Methodist position on gambling, that is interesting. Culture Secretary Karen Bradley defended betting firms on the basis that they sponsored big football clubs. How shrewd of them to do that.

ALABOUR MP, Barry Sheerman (Huddersfield), took an unexpectedly savage bite out of Radio 4’s Today programme, saying it was being ruined by its new editress, Sarah Sands, and by one of its presenters, Nick Robinson. Culture minister Matt Hancock hit back at this, saying it was a ‘superb’ show. Maybe, but at 6.30am yesterday its sports presenter was spouting frightful cliches in her bulletin. Mr Sheerman did not lay forth any thesis for his attack but it may be that he considers Today to be Right-wing. Hearing test for Sheerman please, matron.

Later, MPs held a big debate in which they complained about how rude some members of the public were to them.

In the seven sitting days we have had this September, MPs have held debates on, among other topics, the following: Venezuelan politics, housing design, the International Day of Democracy, a proposed new prison in Port Talbot, the relationship between Scotland and Malawi, and barriers for women in standing for Parliament. Humdingers, we got em.

There were two big votes in those seven days, one on Brexit’s ‘Great Repeal’ Bill, the other on Tory packing of Commons committees. Both could have waited until October. In the Lords there has been continued moaning about Brexit, arch Europhiles Lords Hannay, Kerr and Davies of Stamford keening like wall-eyed shamans.

Earlier this year the Government was tempted to scrap the September sitting – and probably would have done so had Theresa May won the election with ease. That not being the case, Downing Street and its business managers caved in to the terror that Fleet Street’s editorial writers would go on the warpath if MPs were given a nine-week break.

The country might not grieve too much if the miseries were given nine MONTHS away. Imagine the peace. Imagine the lack of blether. Imagine, imagine, in vain.