Help! My wife’s a gadget addict

I’m in the shopping centre with a bit of time to kill. I wander aimlessly around, about an hour I must fill. My wife has disappeared again, ticking off her list. Also adding many extra things that she cannot resist. ‘Just look at this’, she will say, ‘it really was a snip. ‘You pop a cherry in that tube, it then removes the pip. ‘And this is even handier’, she will say with glee. ‘You put an onion on that spike and it slices it in three’. I’ll look at her but will not speak; once again she’s gone insane. When shopping on her own, something happens to her brain. Our kitchen’s full of ‘handy’ gadgets, thanks to my crazy wife. Each and every one could be replaced by just one knife. We have things to cut curly carrots, it will slice and dice and shred. Why do we need such a thing? What goes on inside her head? I can see her now with her bags, struggling through the crowd. ‘Please take all that rubbish back,’ I long to shout aloud. As she gets near I can see contentment in her face. I take the bags, we hurry home — I’ll have to make some space. norman J. Myson, Burnham-on-Crouch, essex.