Bring on the Oompa Loompa... and the Half Monty

AS THE man responsible for the first — and, I believe, only — television appearance of the Half Monty, I’ve always taken a close interest in the career prospects of dwarfs.

The Half Monty were a troupe of stripping dwarfs modelled on the Full Monty.

At the time, TV executive Dawn Airey said she couldn’t work out whether I was taking the proverbial or this was an enlightened piece of equal opportunities employment, giving valuable airtime to a vulnerable minority. What do you think? This groundbreaking performance came to mind when I read in one of the Sunday papers about 4ft 6in tall Andy Collins, who earns £250 an hour entertaining stag parties and hen nights in Benidorm.

He dresses up as a Smurf before stripping off and exposing himself. It turns out that he’s on the sexoffender register back home for flashing a woman in Enniskillen, Northern Ireland, which earned him a four-month suspended sentence. At least he has rehabilitated himself by putting his predilection to profitable use. What amused me — and no doubt will amuse regular readers of this column — is that his other speciality is dressing up as an Oompa Loompa. Of course it is. Bring on the Half Monty!