What the theatre usher really thinks about you

PEOPLE think that auditorium signs don’t apply to them — ‘no cameras’, for instance. I spend half of every performance trying to make people put away their phones. They distract both the audience and the performers.

Otherwise, I’m trying to scoop people out of the wrong seats.

One party of elderly ladies sat a row ahead and refused to move, insisting I was wrong. I had to get the manager before they’d give in.

Audience members can be very selfrighteous. It’s as if they think buying an expensive ticket gives them the right to do whatever they like. We’re usually not allowed to let anyone in until the interval once the show has started, so I’ve had posh people shout at me. One middle-aged woman said: ‘You stupid girl, you know nothing about theatre!’

But when we get a school group who have never been before, I love their excitement. Often, retired people are so grateful we’re taking care of them.

I dread panto season, as the giddiness levels are through the roof and it’s impossible to stop kids taking pictures — there’s too many of them. They leave an enormous mess: ice cream tubs, spilled sweets, abandoned jackets.

But there’s something magical about going to the theatre.

Seeing the audience’s enjoyment makes up for the occasional awful person.