JOHNSON WAS JUST TOO GOOD
TO BE whitewashed in Australia because of Mitchell Johnson — suffering only the third 5–0 defeat in 131 years of the Ashes — was humiliating. Given the ferociousness of his pace, he’d have done the same to any side at any time. We just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. I had reached Australia not expecting to get into the Test team. I remained fairly anonymous to the Australian public, too. If I wore my England tracksuit top, everyone assumed I was a member of the Barmy Army. ‘You here for all the Tests?’ someone asked me in a shop. ‘Hope so,’ I said. But I found myself thrown into the Boxing Day Test, which is like playing in a cup final without experiencing any of the previous rounds. My first innings lasted 19 minutes. Out of 17 deliveries, a dozen were against Johnson. The highlight — if you can call it that — was a six. The ball came off the top edge and took an almighty flight, which was another sign of Johnson’s pace. It sailed over my head and over the rope. Johnson (left) gave me a half-grin, as though he wasn’t sure whether a choice remark or a stony sort of pity would better convey his contempt for my effort. I was gone two balls later, dismissed for 10. The delivery was full and fast and bowled me. I realised — but only after I saw the recording — that I’d dragged my back foot to leg. I looked a fool.