‘Celebs’ go on the run and, with any luck, no one will find them

OSCAR WILDE once described the foxhunting gentry as ‘ the unspeakable in full pursuit of the uneatable’. But what would he make of Celebrity Hunted (C4) in which in a hide-and- seek stunt, ex- coppers have to track down so-called ‘stars’ who try to disappear, by bullying their friends and hacking their phones? ‘ The unethical in search of the unbearable’, perhaps.

hunted is a fraudulent show. The producers admit as much at the start, with a confession that all CCTV footage, number-plate recognition software and mobile phone tracking is ‘ replicated’. Faked, in other words.

Seven celebs set off at a canter from Somerset house in Central London, with an hour’s head start on their pursuers. Well, five cantered and two — the sloshed hoteliers from Gogglebox, Steph and Dom Parker — opted to saunter, dragging their wheeliecases until they were picked up by a friend in an open-top Roller.

You might feel that, with their daily teatime show, there’s already more than enough of the Pompous Parkers on C4.

Other escapees included a couple of posh boys called Jamie Laing and Spencer Matthews (Pippa Middleton’s brother-in-law), reality- show attention seekers who on the run for two weeks to raise money for cancer research. It’s a high-risk challenge — within a fortnight, no one will remember who they are anyway.

All the squaddies in Our Girl: Nepal Tour (BBC1) look like celebrities. The story opened in a British Army truck speeding through the streets of Aleppo in Syria: the troops were light on weaponry but heavily armed with razor-edge cheekbones and smouldering eyes.

If you’re about to object that Britain hasn’t actually sent the Army in to Syria, don’t bother: that was far from the most improbable aspect of this new four-part drama.

Michelle Keegan stars as Georgie, a medic who is struggling to resist the macho appeal of her commanding officer, but is equally smitten with a tousleheaded hero bringing emergency supplies to villagers after a himalayan earthquake.

Even though they’re part of an international rescue mission, Georgie and her comrades spend most of the time exchanging wisecracks and working out in their makeshift gym. The only rescuing they’ve done so far involved a young goat trapped under rubble.

For a disaster zone, it all seems rather peaceful and idyllic. Still, the story is romantic enough, and it’s less cynical than the Beeb’s other Army drama, The Last Post.