Life will pass you by if you just wallow

THE rising divorce rate has created a generation of lonely middle-aged men and women. It’s almost certainly not what they planned; they had their dreams — but life got in the way.

More and more baby-boomers (45-64) are living alone, while the number of over-75s alone has risen from 1.78 million to 2.21 million in the past 20 years. And loneliness is a problem often met in this column.

The other week I had supper in London with a very old friend. Since her husband ended their marriage (his infidelity) years ago, she’s lived alone. I asked whether she ever felt unhappy and/or afraid of the future.

I want to share her inspiring reply — because we can all learn from this forever-young 65 year old. She feels lucky to be close to her two sons, one of whom is married with two children.

So her first concern is to be a cheerful, hands-on mum and granny, for whom nothing is too much trouble and who never moans.

Then, she is still close to her ex-husband — so much so that his current lady confided he would do anything for her. She believes it absolutely.

There are no recriminations in this story — none of the negatives that tear children apart and infect family life. Do I hear you say it’s impossible? No, it is not. I tell you, too many people choose to nurse blame and make themselves miserable.

Third, my friend keeps up with many friends and activities. She attends lectures, digs her allotment, is involved with the residents’ group in her flats, and goes to plays, movies, exhibitions to keep in touch.

All this makes her an exemplary person anyone would want to spend time with.

Now, my question to readers who live alone is this: are you like her? If your answer is a sad shake of the head, then why not try something like the University of the Third Age with a friend or neighbour, and make a new start?

BEL answers readers’ questions on emotional and relationship problems each week. Write to Bel Mooney, Daily Mail, 2 Derry Street, London W8 5TT, or email bel.mooney@dailymail.co.uk. A pseudonym will be used if you wish. Bel reads all letters but regrets she cannot enter into personal correspondence.