Catch of the day cost £45 in a posh restaurant... I said it had better be a mermaid! STEWART FRANCIS — PUN GENT SEAN LOCK — KEEP IT LIGHT KEVIN BRIDGES — A WHOLE DIFFERENT STORY

And other hilarious gags from our pick of the Christmas comedy DVDs

NEED a bit of ho, ho, ho this Christmas? These stand-up comedy DVDs might help. KATHRYN KNIGHT picks her favourites . . .

MICKY FLANAGAN — AN’ ANOTHER FING LIVE

The country’s best-selling comic — he’s performed in front of more than 600,000 fans this year and sold 1.3 million DVDs — recorded this show at London’s 02. BEST JOKE: ‘The French are lazy. I’ve worked out why they eat snails — it’s the only thing they can catch.’ FAMILY VIEWING: No. LAUGH RATING: 6/10 COST: £12.99

DAWN FRENCH — THIRTY MILLION MINUTES

DAWN’S first solo show, recorded earlier this year in the West end, tells the story of her 30 million minutes on earth as she approaches her 60th birthday. BEST JOKE: ‘Do you remember the wrestling [in the eighties]? We used to love it. We used to sit and scream at the telly: “Kill him!” I didn’t realise this was basically showbiz.’ FAMILY VIEWING: Yes, but best for over 30s. LAUGH RATING: 6/10 COST: £10

MICHAEL McINTYRE — HAPPY & GLORIOUS

OBSERVATIONAL comedy from the master (pictured), recorded in 2015 at London’s O2. BEST JOKE: ‘I went to this very expensive restaurant that really wound me up. Catch of the day was £45. I told the waiter that unless it was a mermaid, they were overcharging.’ FAMILY VIEWING? Occasional swearing. LAUGH RATING: 9/10 COST: £4.69

AN EVENING WITH NOEL FIELDING

BAKE OFF’S Noel reminds us of his surreal roots in this 2015 show from Melbourne. BEST JOKE: ‘Antonio Banderas means Tony Flags in english. Which is not quite as sexy as Antonio Banderas.’ FAMILY VIEWING? Some bad language and sexual references. LAUGH RATING: 7/10 COST: £5.32

ALAN CARR — YAP, YAP, YAP!

CHAT show host Alan plays the hammersmith Apollo.

BEST JOKE: ‘People do make moronic comments on Trip Advisor. Somebody gave Stonehenge two stars because there wasn’t a coffee shop.’

FAMILY VIEWING? No — it’s a bit rude. LAUGH RATING: 8/10 COST: £2.84

JOSH WIDDICOMBE — WHAT DO I DO NOW . . .

The star of Channel 4’s comedy panel show The Last Leg has his own sitcom, Josh, and recorded this in 2016. BEST JOKE: ‘heathrow has got more WhSmith’s than it has runways. It’s not an airport, it’s a newsagent with excellent transport links.’ FAMILY VIEWING? Yes, but with mild swearing. LAUGH RATING: 8/10 COST: £8.95

ADAM HILLS — CLOWN HEART

The Aussie host of The Last Leg covers fatherhood, love and death with some near-theknuckle jokes in this show, which was recorded earlier this year at the hammersmith Apollo. BEST JOKE: ‘I grew up in the Seventies — when dads weren’t hands-on but entertainers were.’ FAMILY VIEWING: Yes, but some swearing and sexual references. LAUGH RATING: 8/10 COST: £10 A NON-STOP barrage of word play from the Canadian comic live in Salford. BEST JOKE: ‘In court I was found guilty of being egotistical. I am appealing.’ FAMILY VIEWING? No. Adult themes and some swearing. LAUGH RATING: 7/10 COST: £5.99

AMY SCHUMER — LIVE AT THE APOLLO

AMERICAN comedienne and screenwriter recorded in her home city New York. BEST JOKE: ‘Did you ever see a beauty pageant? They make them wear sashes so they remember where they are from.’ FAMILY VIEWING? Absolutely not. LAUGH RATING: 6/10 COST: £5.99

RICH HALL — 3:10 TO HUMOUR

VETERAN American funnyman Rich plays London’s The Vaudeville Theatre.

BEST JOKE: ‘Jeremy Corbyn? The guy looks like the last drumstick in a bucket of KFC.’

FAMILY VIEWING: Some swearing. LAUGH RATING: 5/10 COST: £5 DeBUT DVD from former team captain of Channel 4 panel show 8 Out Of 10 Cats.

BEST JOKE: ‘I didn’t do very well at school. I’ve got a gas fire at home with more certificates than me.’ FAMILY VIEWING: Occasional expletives. LAUGH RATING: 7/10 COST: £10 The hugely popular Scots comedian performs at Glasgow’s SSe hydro. BEST JOKE: ‘ You go for a lie down in the afternoon in Spain and it’s called a siesta. Go for a lie down in the afternoon in Scotland and it’s called depression.’ FAMILY VIEWING? No. LAUGH RATING: 7/10 COST: £5.31