Westminster wars...

THE Chancellor has been told by the Ministry of Defence to cough up for the VIP trips he’s taken on RAF jets on more than 20 official trips to Manchester, Brussels and Frankfurt. Some of these journeys cost £20,000. He preaches austerity to us, while spending a fortune. A business class return to Brussels on BA costs only £700, Mr Hammond.

THE first question stanley Johnson asked when he was booted out of the I’m a Celebrity Jungle was: ‘Is Boris still Foreign secretary?’ Blimey! I know Boris is an unguided missile, but stanley’s only been away for two weeks.

DURING the PM’s row with DUP leader Arlene Foster over the Northern Ireland border, a political friend’s mum called her and said: ‘There’s nothing to worry about, dear, they’ve got that nice Arlene Phillips handling it. She was ever so good on Strictly.’