If you’re in debt, don’t cover it up

DECK the hall with boughs of holly, now’s the time for spending lolly . . .

But what happens if you spend too much? It’s tempting to splurge on loved ones at Christmas, but many people over-spend all year round, hearing the siren call of the ‘must-haves’. Older readers will remember the new Access card (launched in 1972) changing the habits of a nation with its little slogan: ‘Take the waiting out of wanting.’ I hated it.

Now a disturbing new report published by Relate (called In Too Deep — see relate.org.uk) shows that one in seven adults in debt has concealed the problem from a partner. The main reason is feeling ashamed, with over half giving this explanation for what is, in fact, deceit.

This was followed by being scared of their partner’s reaction (46 per cent), then feeling they had different approaches to money (34 per cent).

This may not seem important, but it really is. I was shocked to read that 16 per cent of adults in Britain (that’s 8.3 million) are in ‘problem debt’. No wonder it can cause relationship breakdown.

A quarter argue about money and debt with their partner at least once a fortnight and what’s very sad is that many quarrel with their children, because of the stress induced by money worries and debt.

Family breakdown costs this country an incalculable amount in financial support, housing and damage to the mental health of adults and children. That’s why Relate is asking the Government to fund free counselling for families in problem debt who are having relationship problems. Almost half (46 per cent) of people in debt said they would benefit from such help.

Of course, people should be more disciplined about spending. But when they’re not, they need to talk about the problems that can become a vicious circle. So if you’re in debt, do seek professional help (for example, see stepchange.org). And please, talk to your partner. A problem hidden grows — like debt.

BEL answers readers’ questions on emotional and relationship problems each week. Write to Bel Mooney, Daily Mail, 2 Derry Street, London W8 5TT, or email bel.mooney@dailymail.co.uk. A pseudonym will be used if you wish. Bel reads all letters but regrets she cannot enter into personal correspondence.