Wombat-eyed Joe wins Strictly... but what matters is we had so much fun
JOE? Joe? The one with the lipstick on his cheeks, the wombateyed manchild who dressed up like a toy drummer boy to do the Charleston? The one who fumbled the end of his Viennese waltz in the final and who has never, ever dominated a single night of this competition? Yes, that one. Soap actor Joe McFadden won Strictly Come Dancing on Saturday night, lifting the Glitterball trophy with his professional partner, Katya Jones.
Good lad, Joe, got nothing against him, he seems charming, diligent and he just got on with it every week, no tears or traumas.
However, his victory was a bit of a bland disappointment to fans like me, who were hoping for 59-year-old Debbie McGee to bring on the ol’ razzle dazzle, fly the hot flush flag and become the oldest woman to win the competition. Or for Alexandra Burke to triumph through the sheer force of her commitment and dance attack alone.
Alexandra! Despite her slight tendency towards flappy feet, she danced every dance as if it were her last, almost turning the ballroom into a war zone in the process. I always imagined the floor to be peppered with shrapnel holes from her machine gun heels, with smoke and sparks still flying once she had finished punishing the parquet.
Gemma Atkinson? A darling girl, loved the crazy cottage-loaf bouffant for her ho-hum Viennese waltzzzzz but she was often unsteady on her pins – and perhaps even she would admit she was lucky to make it into the final four.
However, in the end it was the last man standing who won. Good for Joe, with his perfect fleckerls and that amazing see-saw lift – although sometimes he lacked the danger and drama provided by his female rivals.
The 42-year-old from Glasgow was not the judges’ favourite either – Alexandra outscored him – but he won the public vote on the night, which seems to suggest yet again that Strictly is a popularity contest rather than a true danceathon.
Actually, I think it might be both. Contestants have to be light on their feet yes, but also likeable, courteous, humble, respectful, willing to learn, modest, meek and able to take criticism from florid lunatics like Bruno Tonioli. And if they can fake all that, they’ve got it made. Cheery Joe scored on every front. He is an actor, after all.
OFcourse, some suspected block voting from his native Scotland. It’s no secret that we Scots go absolutely bonkers when anyone Scottish gets into the final of anything, sweeping hopeless, squawking nonentities to the top of singing contests and Nicola Sturgeon into power.
I don’t think that was the case this time, even if fellow Scot Susan Calman managed to stay in the competition until week ten.
At least some of McFadden’s triumph seems to be based on a public perception of him as a real, true amateur, while his main rivals in the final were ringers and professionals. Therefore his journey from stumbling ingenue, with his jerky tango in week two to smooth performer three months later – is seen by some as the only genuine, true one.
What rot. To be fair, all of the finalists this year have had professional dance experience. Joe has appeared in musical theatre productions including Rent and Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, while Gemma appeared in a touring production of the musical Calendar Girls.
It is no secret that Debbie trained as a ballet dancer, while Alexandra has also appeared in musical theatre, including one West End show which was choreographed by Strictly judge Craig Revel Horwood. A bit too cosy for comfort, perhaps? To be
honest, I don’t think any of it matters. The show would very quickly grind to a boring halt if every contestant was like this year’s unsyncopated dud, the Reverend Richard Coles. There has to be variety.
Alexandra and Debbie did have more experience than most, but their routines were much more complex and demanding as a result. The show has its own sophisticated, inbuilt handicap system that levels the dancing field each week.
And surely, one of the pleasures of Strictly is watching contestants of all ages and differing abilities push themselves to the limits? Surviving and thriving on the show is an ordeal in itself; it is the participation that is the real challenge.
Above all else, this is not a ballroom dancing championship, it is showbusiness, and the BBC is in the business of putting on a great show every week for 13 glorious weeks.
This year Strictly dominated the weekend television schedules with record breaking audiences. Over 13million viewers tuned in to the final, a number that will rise once consolidated figures are added.
It is the most successful show on British television, perhaps the only one where the participants clearly enjoy themselves as much as the audience.
After 15 series, its cockle-warming, irrepressible joie de vivre is irresistible and its display of skills, from the costume department to the band, is unmatched. Seeing the joy on Susan Calman’s face as she danced, or the Rev’s beaming delight as he galumphed across the ballroom like a recently disturbed sleepwalker, it was all a delight.
In the end, the public overlooked the blooming of Debbie, the energy of Alexandra and the plucky Gemma to vote for Joe and the determination and motivation which made him a winner. In the end, who dares wins.
However, Strictly’s real triumph is that ultimately, it doesn’t really matter who lifts the trophy. What matters is that we all had such fun along the way.