Yikes! I’ve spent more on my pets than my partner
Barbour jackets. Pawsecco. And pearls from Paris. What the best four-legged friends have under the tree
As I write this, I am making a list and checking it twice. Quite honestly it’s not a list I ever thought I’d make.
the normal festive family lists I can make in my sleep — cards, presents, who’s bringing what, who’s staying where, do we need eight or nine tons of sprouts and will a turkey the size of a small truck be enough?
even though we will spend Christmas at my parents’ house, I am still control-freaking the feast for ten: my husband and I, my parents, my in-laws, my brother and his partner, my nephew and niece, and transporting its major components 250 miles from my house in London to County Durham. No pressure.
But today’s list is for the food I’ll be making for my dog walkers’ Christmas party. this Friday, at about 9am, I will meet my dogwalking posse in the park for a glass of mulled wine, some mince pies and a few carols.
what I’ll make for the 20 or so humans is easy — chorizo sausage rolls, every year.
But for the dogs? I confess I have put more time into planning their Christmas party menu than I have our own, developing recipes for banana and peanut butter bites, parsley breath bones, and doggy granola bars — a feast that will cost me a few fresh, crisp twenties, and a day of my life I won’t get back.
If, ten years or so ago, you’d told me I’d be making this list, I would have thought you’d lost your mind. Now I concede I probably have lost mine, but don’t judge me.
I am just one of the growing number who see their pets as an important part of their family and, as such, not to be left out at this, the most wonderful time of the year.
Not for Barney and Gracie, or even our cat Dixie, an outdoor life of a kennel and simple rations. In fact, each afternoon since December 1, we’ve enjoyed a nice moment together when we open the windows of their Lily’s Kitchen Fireside tails advent calendars, £ 7.46 each: liver and carrot biscuits for the dogs; turkey treats with cranberries for the cat.
Or we may tuck into something from the dog biscuit selection tin, £19.95, salmon shortbread fingers being a great favourite.
ON Christmas Day, I will make them their own simple but delicious Christmas dinner of shredded turkey, carrot and Brussels sprouts rissoles, because if you’re in my house on Christmas Day and I love you, you’re going to be fed like a king, whether you have two legs or four. For the curious, I am planning to treat Gracie to her first proper grown-up collar and lead, a twisted rope confection from the rock Candy range at
mungoandmaud.com, £59.50 for the collar, £77.50 for the lead.
If nothing else, I think the preppy Flamingo pink and green number will go wonderfully with her pearls (more of which later!)
and for Barney, the Deeply Dishy Charley Chau bed from
hollyandlil.co.uk, £160, not so much because he gives a monkey’s about what he sleeps in, but the tangerine velour will look great in my office.
For Dixie the cat, possibly a knitted catnip bee, £17 from
mungoandmaud.com, but really she is above such fripperies. all of this, apart from the bee, is costing me a whopping £350 — considerably more than I am spending on my husband.
as a family, we aren’t in the business of huge gifts — a wellchosen book, some delicious scent, a tiny bit of cashmere and everyone is happy.
But it seems I am one of the many people who are responsible for the massive boom in pet Christmas gifts.
this year, tesco quadrupled its selection of festive pet gifts to meet a 300 per cent increase in demand over the past two years. as well as pet stockings and crackers, they sell festive tipples for the discerning pet.
Pawsecco, £3 a bottle, a blend of elderflower, ginger and nettle is aimed at the cat about town (Dixie’s verdict: a disdainful flounce towards the radiator); Bottom sniffer ‘beer’, also £3, a heady concoction of flax, dandelion and burdock and nettle, is suggested as a doggy thirst-quencher (Barney sniffed it, gave me that ten-year- old, world- weary Border terrier ‘what were you thinking?’ stare; Gracie, our five- month- old Dandie Dinmont puppy, lapped it up, but then she is partial to a muddy puddle so perhaps her palate is not the best).
and as I whizz about the internet shopping for the family, I admit I have checked out pet Christmas presents, too.
Barbour — as well as smart, doggy waxed jackets — has a cologne for dogs, £12.95 and described as refreshing.
John Lewis has a range of Fred & Ginger Dog Friendly mince Pies, £4.50, and Yule Log treats, £4.50, and sainsbury’s has Good Boy Deli Christmas stockings for dogs, £5, and Good Girl Pawsley Christmas stockings for cats, also £5.
some of the dedicated pet websites are as smart as any fashion boutique. I covet everything from maisonlelou.com, from the tree ornaments of dogs in festive clothing, £14, to gift boxes from £23.50 containing an antler chew, posh dog biscuits, luxury paw balm and organic nose moisturiser, and Dug and Bitch camomile sleep spray, £14.
I am also drawn to the hoxton tartan harris tweed Bed, £245 from lovemydog.co.uk, but I suspect if my husband found that on the credit card bill it would be me who was sleeping in the dog house.
Theworld’s first dogfriendly wrapping paper is on sale at monsterpetsupplies.co.uk. ruff wrap, £2.99, is made with non-toxic dyes, and uses ‘ rip and stick’ technology which eliminates sticky tape, a choking hazard.
and, of course, if you’re the sort of person who likes to dress up your pet, there are all manner of antlers, angel wings, gingerbread costumes and santa Claus hats out there.
I don’t approve of pet fancy dress. however, because life’s complicated, as I type this my puppy, Gracie, snoozes at my feet, her coat adorned with a festive pearl necklace.
Of course, I didn’t buy it myself. a friend of mine was in Paris and bought the pretty necklace for her cat, for whom it was too large, so she passed it on to me. I put it on Gracie for a laugh one sunday afternoon and it’s sort of stayed put.
I am aware that in a world where there are hungry humans, this all seems a little barking, perhaps wasteful. But, when I took on the responsibility of pets, I also took on the responsibility of giving them the best life I could.
sometimes that might involve the odd extravagance. I know the sight of Gracie trotting beside me in her necklace raises a smile on people’s faces. I don’t know whether they’re laughing at me or with me, and to be honest, I don’t much care.