Only eat six sprouts. Beware of candles. Why ARE ‘hard-up’ councils spending fortunes giving us idiotic Xmas advice?

AT THIS time of year, councils are much given to bleating and blaming ‘budget cuts’ for not having enough cash to empty our bins regularly, grit the roads, fix streetlamps or clear the pavements of snow and ice.

However, they always seem to have enough jobsworths to offer us idiot’s advice on how to enjoy — or not — the festive season.

This Christmas, Leicestershire council has exceeded all expectations with its guidance to residents not to serve more than half a dozen Brussels sprouts per person.

‘Six sprouts = ONE portion,’ read a council tweet sent at the weekend. ‘Don’t overbuy and they don’t go to waste.’

Unsurprisingly, people reacted by cynically asking if the council was planning to appoint a ‘ sprout officer’ responsible for prosecuting residents who help themselves to a naughty seventh sprout.

Nannying

Others speculated on whether they could transfer their own ‘sprout allowance’ to other family members.

Jokes aside, this petty, nannying advice is all too typical of the town hall numbskulls determined to use Christmas as an excuse to push excessive health-and- safety measures and pump out PC propaganda about what we should eat and drink, how we decorate our homes, and even what we give as gifts.

Posters have been put up in Portsmouth by the council advising on how to reduce Christmas waste and recommending ‘ an artificial tree which can be reused each year’.

Yet just 40 miles away, in West Sussex, Horsham district council says exactly the opposite — suggesting that it will help the environment if people opt for real fir. ‘Artificial trees are made from plastic which can’t be recycled and have probably been shipped great distances,’ it declared.

Perhaps the alternative is to have no decorations — which is what residents at Dray Court in Exmouth, a block owned by East Devon district council, were told last year. Wreaths were banned from front doors as a fire risk and one resident was told she couldn’t have fairy lights in her window.

Meanwhile, Bradford council banned employees from sticking, pinning or nailing up any Christmas decorations in council buildings — and warned that tree lights not certified as low-energy would be removed.

And in Argyll and Bute, Kilmun community council has offered this priceless reminder: ‘Position candles away from objects that may catch fire.’

Like Leicestershire council’s Brussels sprout police, South Norfolk district council is waging war on waste with its ‘12 tips for a green Christmas’.

Residents, whom the council clearly believes are incapable of running their own lives, are told: ‘Think ahead and plan what food you will need for Christmas and New Year and when shopping buy ‘‘half price’’, not ‘‘buy one get one free’’.’

If anyone should over-cater, they are told that leftover items can be used ‘for your New Year recipes and save money’. (Bet no one thought of that.)

Cotswold district council has jumped on the bandwagon with an advent calendar. It says: ‘Behind each window there will be a useful tip, hint or web link giving advice about how to recycle items such as broken electrical equipment and leftover food, as well as ideas on how to reuse items which might otherwise make their way into the rubbish bin.’

Sue Coakley, with the grand title of ‘Cabinet Member for the [Cotswold] Environment’ chips in with her own hints. ‘Something as simple as writing a list can help focus the mind when doing the big Christmas food shop,’ she prattles.

‘And avoid impulse buys and offers on items which might end up in the bin.’

Last year, the Food Standards Agency (the government body responsible for food safety and hygiene) dreamed up a ‘festive’ cartoon character called the ‘Freezer Fairy’, to dispense invaluable advice such as ‘plan portion sizes’.

The Disney-ish fairy’s wisdom knew no bounds. ‘The freezer is like a pause button, so you can freeze foods right up to the ‘‘use by’’ date,’ she lectured.

And what about cards? These innocent and much-loved parts of a traditional Christmas are the devil’s work, says Southwark council in London, which advocates sending ‘ e- cards instead of paper cards’.

It points out that almost 300,000 tonnes of card packaging is used in the UK at Christmas which, if laid out, ‘would cover the return distance between London and Lapland 103 times — and would wrap Big Ben almost 260,000 times.’

In its ‘12 tips for a green Christmas’, South Norfolk council also advocates e-cards, but for those whose friends send cards made from trees, it suggests saving them to use as gift tags for next year.

The council with the most Scrooge- like tendencies is surely Tamworth which, in 2015, sent tenants a Christmas card with a message reminding them to pay their rent on time.

Scrooge

Councillor Michelle Thurgood said: ‘We want people to enjoy Christmas and the New Year, but it is vital that they put their ‘‘rent first’’.’

For best statement of the bleedin’ obvious, the prize must go to Doncaster council this year for its advice that ‘sensible drinking is the best way to avoid regret and a hangover,’ and recommending that anyone walking home on a cold night should ‘make sure you’re dressed to stay warm’.

On the domestic front, Dundee council has some prosaic tips for anyone thinking of having a party in their own home: ‘Make sure that people can move around and meet each other. If it means putting the sofa in a corner, do so.’

And just in case the good folk of Histon and Impington in Cambridgeshire are partying too hard to remember for themselves, the parish council says: ‘Homeowners are reminded to close the curtains once it gets dark outside, especially if the lights are on inside.’

Then you might ask yourself: what could be more festive than a pile of presents beneath the Christmas tree? Nothing you’d say, unless you are in Suffolk, where the police feel it is necessary to advise residents ‘to avoid displaying presents under the tree until the last possible moment’.

That is, if you’ve actually bought Christmas presents — which you might not have done if you live in Falkirk. There, children have been told not to buy their teachers gifts in case such acts of generosity are mistaken for bribery.

Lectures

A new policy ‘ prevents any employee from receiving gifts,’ the council tells parents. ‘ We ask that if you or your child wishes to gift anything to staff that this could possibly be in the form of a card.’

Meanwhile, for anyone struggling with ‘ what to buy for whom’, Southwark council has an ingenious suggestion: ‘ If you have children, write a present list for each child, for family and friends. This will help prevent unwanted or duplicated presents.’

Monmouthshire council is more concerned that residents keep in mind the effect on their wheelie bin of their gift choices. ‘Choose gifts with minimal or no packaging,’ it lectures residents. ‘ Avoid packaging that cannot be recycled locally — for example, shiny or foil wrapping paper can’t be recycled.’

Such advice is sensible, but surely most of us realise this and don’t need our taxes spent on departments compiling and issuing all these edicts?

Bromley council, however, has trumped all- comers by suggesting a bin might be the perfect present for your granny.

In its magazine Environment Matters, it offers a special Christmas deal on its 240-litre garden waste bins. ‘Treat that special someone to a year’s worth of garden waste collections!’ it says. While certainly unusual, the gift is also economical, working out at £60 for 12 months, or ‘just £1.15 a week’.

Just make sure you wrap it up in shiny paper.