Don’t mock homespun Christmas traditions, they make us HAPPY

What? You can’t be serious?’ I said in disbelief. ‘What do you mean “there wasn’t a donkey?” ’

Clearly, the nun in front of me had gone mad. But she smiled angelically, and persevered: ‘Most scholars agree that, given Mary and Joseph’s social and economic position, it’s unlikely that they would ever have travelled on a donkey,’ she told me. ‘and of course there’s no scriptural evidence to support the idea that there was a donkey.’

‘But what about the Christmas carol Little Donkey?’ I said, triumphantly. ‘What about all those Christmas cards with the donkey on? Everyone knows there was a donkey — how else did they get from Nazareth to Bethlehem?’

‘they walked or possibly hitched a ride on a wagon,’ she offered.

ha, what does a nun know about the Bible, I thought, and started scouring the Gospels of Matthew and Luke. there must be a donkey here somewhere.

Nothing. I double checked. Not even a hint of a donkey.

then aged 16, I was studying for my a-levels which, as well as the sciences, included religious education: the nun who’d delivered the earth-shattering news about the little donkey was my teacher.

Regardless of your religious conviction, the Bible is a fascinating historical document. and when it came to that Christmas donkey, it had proved me wrong: the man of rational science was a victim of his own unfounded belief, and it was Sister Mary, whose faith some might argue is based on unfounded belief, who had challenged me.

Can it still be Christmas without the donkey? the answer is, of course, yes — Sister Mary didn’t need the donkey because she knew what the Christmas story was really about.

the ‘meaning’ of Christmas is twofold. First, it is about tradition, the rituals and objects we associate with it. Psychologically, we hold on to these because they root us historically and give us meaning.

they develop and are incorporated into our internal world as a way of defending ourselves from the chaos of the world outside: turkey, carols, Christmas trees — even donkeys — and so on are comforting and familiar.

It’s interesting that so many of these traditions which we think of as being as old as the hills only go back a few generations, if that. But however recently established, traditions bring us together in a shared sense of belonging.

We are social animals and we need to feel connected to one another — and doing this through what we believe is a shared past binds us.

Of course, on a deeper level, the Christmas story is essentially one not of donkeys or baubles, but celebration and love. Yet we shouldn’t dismiss the value of ritual — indeed, knowing that most tradition is invented can be quite liberating, as it leaves us free to create our own traditions to tie us together.

this is something I often discuss with my patients and encourage them to try themselves. as families become increasingly fragmented, realising that you can create your own family traditions — and consciously doing so — can help people forge a sense of unity.

after my parents divorced, my mother’s self-esteem suffered so, as a treat, I brought her to London and I took her to a swanky West End salon to get her hair cut.

She had the time of her life and it occurred to me that, rather than a one- off treat, doing this again would be an excuse for us to get together and, at a time when her life seemed so unsettled, it offered consistency.

It could also help replace many of the other routines disrupted by her being divorced, something positive coming out of an upsetting, distressing experience. SO

MY mum and I consciously decided to make her coming up to the West End to have her hair done every eight weeks a new family tradition. It’s become a permanent feature in our calendar and it’s done her the world of good (I only wish I could say the same for my bank balance).

this has been going on for about 15 years, but what’s interesting is that it’s become such an important and enduring part of our family life that I can’t really remember a time when it didn’t happen. It seems to me that it’s happened forever and I even have (entirely false) memories of it happening when I was a child.

Until Sister Mary’s death earlier this year, she would send me a Christmas card with a donkey on it and I would do the same.

that had become our tradition. DrMax@dailymail.co.uk