Scouser with an opinion on EVERYTHING
On University Challenge contestants: ‘They’re not like we were – out bonking every night.’
On Scottish independence: ‘Scotland can keep Andy Murray if they go independent…nobody likes him in England anyway.’
Recording his answering machine message: ‘I can’t take your call now as I am making love to June.’
On MasterChef’s Gregg Wallace: ‘I would empty my pan over his head if I was there.’
To his wife June while watching Titanic: ‘I couldn’t bear you to part from me, June, like that. I couldn’t do without you.’
On the announcement of an England football squad: ‘He’s too old, Ashley Cole. And he upset Cheryl. So I didn’t like him after that.’
On Jamie Oliver: ‘ He’s all, “Whack a bit of this in, whack a bit of that in”. I could slap him. Oh he’s a d***head.’
On seeing David Cameron: ‘You fat-faced Tory… posh k***.’
On Gary Barlow: ‘Oh shut up Gary Barlow.’