Head to head, two formidable matriarchs

MARITAL STATUS

THE QUEEN: Married to Prince Philip for 70 years. They met on the tennis courts at Dartmouth Naval College, Devon. His famous quote, ‘I hope he breaks his bloody neck’ after a royal photographer fell out of tree in India.

MRS BROWN: Widow of hotel kitchen porter Redser Brown. They met at a party where he was being sick after drinking a pint of Windolene. His last words: ‘Oh f***, it’s a bus.’

OCCUPATION

THE QUEEN: Elizabeth II, by the Grace of God of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland and of Her other Realms and Territories Queen, Head of the Commonwealth, Defender of the Faith.

MRS BROWN: Housewife and former market stall holder in Moore Street, Dublin, which has been in the family since 1802.

BORN

THE QUEEN: 17 Bruton St, Mayfair. Now resides (variously) at Buckingham Palace, London; Windsor Castle, Berkshire; Balmoral Castle, Royal Deeside; Sandringham House, Norfolk.

MRS BROWN: Rumoured to have been Galway. Now resides in Finglas in the barony of Castleknock, Dublin.

CHILDREN

THE QUEEN: Four – Charles, Anne, Andrew and Edward.

MRS BROWN: Six – Mark, Rory, Cathy, Dermot, Trevor, Simon.

MOST LIKELY TO SAY

THE QUEEN: ‘Have you come far?’

MRS BROWN: ‘Listen here, ya 50 pence pole dancer!’