Ludicrous to think Jimmy’s dumb enough to do this...

IT’S no coincidence that this so-called balltampering story has cropped up in a game where England are finally doing well. As far as I’m concerned, it’s not even a storm in a tea cup: it’s a storm in an egg cup! Test cricketers these days know they are being watched by 30 cameras, four umpires and a match referee. To suggest that Jimmy Anderson would be dumb enough to tamper with the ball in those circumstances is ludicrous. The match referee is watching exactly the same pictures as the commentators and the viewers, and if he sees anything untoward, he’s right in the ear of the onfield umpires immediately. But the officials have taken no action, which tells you everything you need to know. One other point: even if you wanted to pick the seam on the Kookaburra ball, it’s virtually impossible. Unlike the seam on the English Dukes ball, which protrudes from the surface, the Kookaburra seam is embedded in the ball. So good luck trying to pick it! Then there’s the issue of throwing the ball into the keeper on the bounce, which seems to exercise umpires these days. When I was playing, we were coached to do exactly that, because a low, flat throw on the bounce can be the quickest way of getting the ball back in. But, again, to suggest it’s an effective way of keeping one side rough to assist reverse swing has always struck me as farfetched. How do you know, for instance, which side of the ball is going to hit the pitch when you throw it in? You’d have to be phenomenally accurate! And if the ploy works, why aren’t teams getting skittled for 45 on a regular basis? The umpires have enough to worry about without mithering about stuff like this. Honestly, get on with the game!