Oh the bliss of finally being called GRANNY!
It’s the one word novelist BARBARA TAYLOR BRADFORD, who is childless, thought she would never hear ...
As I cradled the tiny, two-weekold, powder-scented baby, marvelling at her miniature nails and the perfectly soft little feet yet to touch the ground, I felt a flood of hope, happiness and love.
It was a moment that felt all the more extraordinary because, not having been able to have my own children, I never expected to feel such an overwhelming and exhilarating rush of love for one so fresh and new.
Yet there I was, holding my goddaughter Catalina’s first baby, dumbfounded with joy and a sense that the world was not such a bad place after all.
I thought it couldn’t get any better until Catalina turned to me and said, so touchingly: ‘This is your grandchild.’
I looked into her eyes, they were tearful — so were mine. In fact, there wasn’t a dry eye in the place as my husband Bob, who was standing beside me, was equally as moved by such a loving gesture.
I’ve always refused to be defined by the fact that I am not a mother. I don’t do regrets: after all, at 84, I’m still doing what I love and have been happily married for 54 years.
All the same, the devastation of two miscarriages in my 20s, followed by never getting pregnant again, cannot be denied.
Having a miscarriage is heartbreaking. You think: ‘What have I done wrong? Why has this happened to me?’ You blame yourself because it’s not the man carrying the child: it’s you.
But I also realised very quickly that I couldn’t live my life filled with regrets over babies who had never been born. Bob and I just went about our lives and hoped I would get pregnant again, though sadly I never did.
What I didn’t do was dwell on my sorrow.
Above all else, I was determined it wasn’t going to tear us apart as it does some couples and I knew it would be self- destructive to continue mourning a child we didn’t have. If anything, it brought us closer together. There’s no doubt, though, that our shared experiences made Catalina’s simple, sincere declaration all the more poignant. We all huddled around the baby and her father, Alberto, declared: ‘Isn’t she the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen?’
All parents feel like that about their babies, but in baby Catalina’s case (I call her Princess Mini Cat) it really is true: she has shining, brown hair and the most stunning big blue eyes. We may not be related by blood but that doesn’t dim my pride.
Neither Bob nor I have much experience of babies. We were both only children.
We were married in London on Christmas Eve in 1963 and had just assumed we’d have children. We were so excited when I became pregnant two years later. so when I miscarried it was absolutely devastating.
Eighteen months later, I found I was expecting again — and this time the pregnancy seemed to advance fine. I was worried, but never really thought I would lose another baby. When I did I was utterly bereft and so was Bob. some weeks later, I thought: ‘If I regret this, it will destroy me and it will hurt Bob, too.’ so from then on, I decided I would only look forward. I couldn’t let it define me. Perhaps if I’d had children, I wouldn’t have written so many books. I did ask Bob: ‘ Do you ever miss not having children?’ He said that sometimes he did, but not really. We’ve been so happy together. Bob said something very true: you don’t miss a person you’ve never known. There have been times when I have missed having a child. But I am glad I’ve got Bob. I married the right man, so I have been blessed. I remember saying to Bob when
no more pregnancies were forthcoming, ‘Shall we adopt?’ and he seemed keen but we were both busy working and it just never happened.
When you are young and striving to have a child it just becomes too much, so in the end we simply put it out of our minds.
It helped that we have always been involved with our friends’ children. None more so than Catalina, the daughter of one of Bob’s dear friends.
We first met her when she was a toddler. She lived with her parents in Spain.
WE met again when she was 11. Her parents had divorced and she was living with her father. went to stay with them and I was struck by her brilliance: not only did she speak english very well but there was something instantly impressive about her.
I really took to her and asked her father whether he’d let her stay with us in the school holidays. ‘Would you be OK travelling all that way on a plane on your own?’ I asked her.
She assured me she would. ‘Don’t say yes if you don’t mean it,’ I told her father. ‘I wouldn’t want to disappoint her.’
He confessed he often felt guilty when he had to go away for work, leaving her with their housekeeper. Catalina was delighted and her trip was set for the following summer.
Our apartment in New York had one guest room, which we quickly made into a room for her. Wherever we went, Catalina came with us. When invited to see friends, we insisted she came, too. At weekends we would go to our house in Connecticut.
that time, Catalina stayed with us for two months and I asked her whether she would like to come back for thanksgiving and Christmas. ‘I’m sure my father wouldn’t mind,’ she said. So that was that.
She came every year until the age of 24. People would often mistake her for our daughter; we were so close. When she went back to school we would speak to each other every weekend.
Did I mother her? Certainly in terms of warmth and affection and over-protectiveness. As a teenager she used to laugh that I’d never let her go out in New York on her own.
But I never tried to tell her what to do. I think the best influence to have is to let someone watch what you do and question why you do it rather than to try to lay down the law.
It was a real privilege and joy watching her grow up and we felt incredibly proud when she graduated and went on to become a successful lawyer.
We were equally delighted when she married Alberto. Knowing she was keen to have a family, we were overjoyed when she rang to say she was pregnant.
Bob and I had agreed it would be lovely to have grandchildren but not for one second did we think we would ever have one. Bob was so funny about the prospect of the new arrival. He said: ‘Oh, what are we going to do with a baby?’ When I frowned, he went on: ‘You know, when they come to stay, when we go out for dinner?’ ‘the baby goes wherever we go,’ I laughed. It was so different when we were children. We both had a laugh about how clueless we were, but I could sense Bob’s real excitement. Princess mini Cat was born last January. We happened to be in London at the time, so we flew to madrid as soon as we could to see the new baby. there can be no more precious a moment than holding a cherished baby for the first time. I was struck by what a miracle it is that two people come together and create such a perfect little thing.
Since then we’ve had weekly updates and receive many photographs of the baby. In June when we were in London again Catalina, Alberto and mini Cat came to join us.
Again Bob made me laugh with his fretting. What did the baby need? Where would she sleep? Would she have dinner with us? ‘It’s not an invasion of one of Napoleon’s brigades,’ I teased him. ‘ I’m sure her parents know exactly what they’re doing.’
THE moment we saw mini Cat again, we were enchanted. She was five months and we were struck at how alert she was, her blue eyes darting to wherever a new voice came from. Since then, Catalina and I have spoken every weekend as usual.
One afternoon she rang during the week and I was worried — she never phones me mid week. ‘What’s wrong?’ I asked. ‘ mini Cat has a tooth!’ she announced proudly. And then came the picture of the baby and her tooth.
I have always disliked shopping but since mini Cat’s arrival, I’ve taken to buying baby clothes. Last month we all met in London and we bought her the most gorgeous blue velvet and taffeta dress, which she looked adorable in.
Now nearly one, mini Cat seems more mature than her age. Charismatic, intelligent, curious, looking keenly at everything and everyone she sees, she has a magnetism that draws people to her. She loves to be with me and Bob, her laughter echoing all the time. She is simply a delight.
So I feel blessed indeed. Not for only for Catalina coming into our lives as a child 24 years ago, but also for giving us the most precious gift of all, a baby we can love as a grandchild.
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