Eye, eye — it’s Hugh Grant as King Harold!
10 THINGS YOU DIDN’T KNOW ABOUT THE BAYEUX TAPESTRY
1 The Bayeux Tapestry is set to travel to Britain from Normandy for the first time in 950 years. The famous artwork is 229ft long, which means that it will have to travel by eurostar, with at least two interconnecting carriage doors left open throughout the journey. 2 The tapestry depicts the events of 1064-1066, leading up to the Norman Conquest. It culminates in the Battle of hastings.
The first panel shows edward the Confessor sending harold Godwinson ( later King harold) to Normandy. edward is shown as a slim man, with a full head of hair, even though contemporaries recall him as portly and as bald as a billiard ball. historians believe this to be one of the earliest examples of ‘tapestry-shopping’ on record. 3 The second panel shows harold Godwinson having business cards printed. With the aid of a magnifying glass, it is just possible to make out the five words, ‘ Most Powerful Noble in england’, beneath his name on the card. 4 exPerTs continue to debate the exact nature of many of the items pictured in the tapestry’s 50 different scenes.
One of France’s most cutting- edge historians, JeanFraud Mirage, argues that, in panel 31, King harold can be seen astride his horse talking on an early mobile phone.
With the help of his postgraduate students, Professor Mirage has spent the past eight years attempting to determine exactly what it was that King harold was saying. early results indicate that it was either ‘I’m on the horse. We’re about to go into a tunnel’ or ‘I’m running late. shall I pick up a takeaway? Love you!’ 5 IN ONe of the first panels, a youthful Anglo- saxon is depicted in front of three beaming contestants within the walls of the city of Norwich, wearing a trim suit and genial smile. experts believe this to be one of the first depictions of veteran broadcaster Nicholas Parsons, who was at that time presenting the popular game show sale Of The Century from Norfolk. 6 IN PANeL 9, William, Duke of Normandy, arrives with his army in england and sets off for hastings.
The creators of the tapestry originally thought the journey to hastings would occupy only two panels of the design, but owing to severe delays caused by mechanical failures around eastbourne and an incident on the line at Crawley, the journey finally occupied a full eight panels.
Consequently, panel 16 depicts the soldiers growing restive, the more vociferous among them shouting that in future they will go by horse. 7 ONe panel appears to show a clergyman touching a woman inappropriately. In recent weeks, this has led to repeated demands from pressure groups to call the clergyman to account. some have demanded his immediate removal from the tapestry.
Descendants of the clergyman, who remains unnamed, last night issued a statement insisting that they would continue to remember him as a good friend and colleague, with many healthy hobbies including sailing and pottery. 8 WhAT was the original purpose of the Bayeux Tapestry? t some historians argue that it was intended as a cushioni cover for an exceptionally e long, narrow sofa. Others suggest it was a pioneering ‘box set’, its t compelling story tempting t some viewers v into bingewatching w it over a single si evening.
scientific analysis of the fabric of the tapestry, revealing stains of chocolate, high- sugar drinks, nuts and ancient popcorn, has tended to support this view. 9 The last part of the tapestry is missing. As it stands, the final scene shows the surviving english troops fleeing the battlefield. But it is now thought to have included an additional scene in which five of King harold’s quirky bunch of old pals, including one in a wheelchair and another in a novelty pullover, race to the battlefield.
They then remove the arrow from harold’s eye. harold gives them a cheery thumbs-up, and they all burst into song, just as it begins to snow. 10 TO TIe in with the tapestry’s arrival in the UK, richard Curtis is currently filming this long-lost scene, with hugh Grant (above) as King harold and renee Zellweger in the character of Jemima, the goofy but lovable battlefield attendant, though historians point out that she was largely absent from the original story.