AN INSPECTOR CALLS

BILL BRYSON had fun reminding readers of Britain’s quirky village names. Chaddesley Corbett must have been a contender.

It’s south of Birmingham, near Kidderminster, and Brockencote Hall is just across a bumpy field from the village.

No one quite knows why it’s such a bumpy field, but it has to do with a cluster of dried-out 12th century fish ponds.

Brockencote was built in 1869 by a wealthy local mayor called Henry Willis, who was in the carpet trade.

Afternoon tea is being served as we arrive — and it’s taken seriously. Cake stands are laden with crustless sandwiches, warm scones, clotted cream, home-made jams.

‘Would you like your milk in first?’ I say to my wife — and I mean it.

‘No, thank you, but good of you to ask,’ she says.

We have not been as polite as this for years. If only, we could live here permanently.

Our large room is called Camelia. It has twin-aspect windows, a giant bed, big bathroom and various jars of complimentary nuts.

A welcome letter says that we are expected for drinks at 7.30pm with our table reserved for 8pm.

‘We must try to be down by 7.30pm,’ I tell my wife.

But we fail miserably, arriving in the hushed drawing room just before 8pm.

‘I do apologise,’ I tell the energetic master of dinner ceremonies —

and I mean that, too. ‘Just relax,’ he says.

So we do. My gin and tonic is the best ever, with juniper berries added to the mix.

Menus are brought, dishes explained and then along come some terrific canapés.

This is posh dining, with crisp white tablecloths, an amuse bouche, a pre-dessert of something or other, rather too long delays between courses and a cheese trolley to make the French envious.

‘I think this is privately owned and managed, don’t you?’ says my wife. In fact, it’s part of the Eden group, which also own Bovey Castle and Mallory Court.

All the more reason to be polite about it. I think Bill Bryson would feel very much at home here. Brockencote Hall Chaddesley Corbett

Kidderminster Worcestershire DY10 4PY

Tel: 01562 777876, brockencotehall.com Doubles from £135 B&B