The bank of mum is overdrawn!

DEAR BEL, MY SON (24) has mental health issues, although you wouldn’t always know.

He spent some months in prison a couple of years ago. Now he’s striving to make a life for himself and has a partner — however, he has no intention of seeking work.

He gets by through fixing things, mainly computers, but uses the ‘mental health’ card to justify his unwillingness to be in the rat race.

I’m 48 and have supported him all his life, including after prison (establishing him in a flat), but I’m sick of being the bank of mum.

He’s had to move from one rental property to another and hasn’t the deposit, so I am obliged — again. He buys and sells things, but when PayPal takes a lump out of my account (joined to his to help him manage money) he always has a reason why he can’t quickly pay me back.

I work from 8am to 5pm and have little money because of him. When will it end?

I’m torn between being ultra strict and asking for money back (such as for a phone bill of over £60) and worrying I’m not helping him out when he needs it.

I resent working when he doesn’t do much, but worry if I don’t pick up the pieces his mental health will deteriorate. Am I doing the right thing, being strict, keeping on his case about paying me back every penny? ANNIE

Personally, I think you’re doing exactly the right thing, but I can understand why you feel so torn. Most mothers would feel the same — wanting to continue being supportive yet exasperated their son or daughter isn’t doing enough to help themselves.

The good news is that he has a partner and is working — even if that work is freelance. His skills need to be praised and encouraged every inch of the way, and perhaps you can gently suggest that working hard does not equate with becoming part of ‘the rat race’!

since he is good with computers it may be that at some time in the future you spot a part-time job with a relevant company and persuade him to apply.

The trouble is many young people, unused to getting up in the morning, find buckling down to proper work very tiresome.

I think you should stop this terrible shared PayPal arrangement right away. It does him no good to think he can just eat into your bank account whenever he needs to.

When he requires financial help for a special reason, he should come to you, so that together you can weigh the situation and decide what to do.

If you are no longer waiting for him to raid your account, you will feel a little less stressed about the situation — and he, in turn, will have to think, rather than just returning to his bad old, irresponsible ways.

Do you have friends and family on whom you can offload your troubles?

your son has caused you much heartache, perhaps not all of it his fault. It sounds as if you’ve been a marvellous parent, but have reached the stage when you need to stand up for yourself.

The bank of mum is overdrawn and you need to sit down with him and explain why.