Peter Crouch’s hilarious take on deadline day
(My best deadline day story)
TRANSFER deadline day: those words have taken on a life of their own and created a modern phenomenon. I’ve no doubt you will have been checking whatever form of media you could on Wednesday, waiting to see which players were on the move and what clubs could beat the clock to get their targets in. I’d also be willing to guess that you think deadline day is about private jets and smooth talks.
Moving clubs is a topic with which I am familiar — I’ve done it eight times — but my last transfer was the only occasion I’ve raced against time. It was an experience I’ll never forget, a day filled with chicken nuggets, curry and delayed emails. Here’s the story.
Stoke City have become a huge part of my life and the last six and a half years have been brilliant but on August 31, 2011 I was only thinking about Tottenham. I was settled but everything changed after I walked into Harry Redknapp’s office, straight into a conference call with Daniel Levy.
In a nutshell, Levy bluntly explained Tottenham were getting rid of me. Harry wanted to sign Emmanuel Adebayor, Stoke had offered big money — £16million — in a double deal for Wilson Palacios, the Honduran midfielder, and that was that. The chairman told me I was going.
A few months earlier, I’d scored the winner against AC Milan in a Champions League tie at the San Siro. I made 45 appearances and finished the campaign with 11 goals and had two years left on my contract, but Levy said I’d be frozen out. All I could think as he spoke was ‘that’s a bit harsh!’
It was clear I wouldn’t change his mind so, after some to-ing and froing, we reached an agreement. I went home to meet my dad and we jumped in the car to head to Stoke. First we stopped to get something to eat. The restaurant of choice? McDonald’s at the Target Roundabout on the A40. See, I told you it was all about the glamour!
It was here, though, that things became a bit surreal. We were watching Sky Sports News as we ate and the yellow strip comes across the bottom of the screen ‘ PETER CROUCH IS IN A HELICOPTER ON HIS WAY TO STOKE.’
Dad and I were in stitches. There was no chopper in sight but there were plenty of nuggets and I can vividly remember tucking into them as the information rolled across in front of us.
EVENTUALLYwe arrived at Stoke early in the evening and completed my medical. Tony Pulis was brilliant. He’d made the girls in the canteen stay behind and they cooked a curry for us as we waited to complete. There was me, Wilson and Cameron Jerome, who also signed, just having a bite to eat waiting for paperwork to come through. It was surreal.
In my case, though, I had to wait and wait. The deadline, as on Wednesday, was 11pm but by 10.30pm there was no sign of the last form I needed to complete. The closer we got to the deadline, the tenser it became but, eventually, the fax machine buzzed into life and the deal was done. People say players are ruthless but, on deadline day, clubs can be just as ruthless. It’s crazy, really, waking up as a player for one team only to see your professional life change by the time you go to bed, and it puzzles me why a lot of deals get done so late.
Mind you, it’s not as puzzling as why there were games scheduled on deadline day. Wasn’t that unfair to 14 Premier League clubs when six had played the previous night? How were deals supposed to be done smoothly with a match in the way? It was so, so weird.
We welcomed Badou Ndiaye from Galatasaray to Stoke but, due to delays in Turkey, the deal dragged on and the first I knew that everything had been completed was when he was paraded on the pitch during the break as I was going through a warm-up for the second half. Madness!
The window has critics but I do think it is good and serves a purpose. I remember when transfers could be negotiated until the end of March — it was ridiculous — but a situation like that leaves clubs with all kinds of problems.
Riyad Mahrez might not see things like that but at least he and Leicester know where they stand and nobody is wondering whether a bid will arrive next week. He will be angry, of course, but just because he hasn’t ended up at Manchester City now doesn’t mean to say it is over.
He should follow Philippe Coutinho’s example, who put his head down and worked hard after Liverpool refused to sell him to Barcelona last summer. If Mahrez does that, big opportunities will be there when the window drama begins again.