How to avoid a palaver with a balaclava!
HOT TIPS FOR THE COLD SPELL . . .
1. If you want to feel a whole lot warmer when you step outside into the snow, top scientists from Merryweather university suggest sitting in your fridge for a few minutes before venturing out.
2. Before lighting a fire in your home, first check that you have a fireplace and chimney. If no such facility exists, it is best to light your fire out of doors.
Then, if you want to warm your house through, you can let the hot air from the fire in by opening the nearest windows.
3. The world-famous yeti spends most of his life barefoot in subzero temperatures, yet he does not appear to feel the cold.
how does he manage this? Appearing on the Graham Norton Show in february 2012, the yeti revealed his secret. ‘honestly, Graham, I’d never go
anywhere without my hottie!’ he exclaimed. It emerged that the yeti keeps warm by taking his much-loved hot water bottle with him at all times. ‘ If I have to leap over a crevice or negotiate a ravine, then I’ll just pop it under my arm for a minute or two! honestly, Graham — you should try it sometime!’
4. Prime Minister Theresa May continues to deny charges that she is unsure what to wear in these chilly spells. ‘ Let’s be absolutely clear about this. Snow is snow. What we wear must always be determined by what is going on outside. And that is why I will be wearing either one thing or the other. Because let’s be absolutely clear about this. Brrrr-exit means brrrr-exit.’
5. Try wearing your balaclava the other way round, with the hole at the back. This way, all areas of your face will remain warm, leaving your hair to protect the back of your head, where the hole is. This method of balaclava-wearing has been practised by many mountaineers who have since become legendary through their failure to return.
6. Eskimos have 39 different words for ‘electric blanket’.
7. To give your mouth a welcome burst of heat, add Tabasco sauce to your cup of tea. If you find it too hot, then counteract the heat by placing an ice cube under your tongue. If you find the ice cube too cold, increase the warmth by sucking on a chilli pepper.
8. If your feet feel as though they are growing colder with each fresh step then take fewer but longer steps.
9. Editor of American vogue Anna Wintour counters extreme blizzards by activating the windscreen wiper mechanism on her iconic dark glasses.
Sadly, she once forgot to switch them off at an indoor fashion show, and shredded a model’s yves St Laurent feathered blouse when she leant forward to peer too closely at it.
10. When your teenagers insist on continuing to wear summer Tshirts in the freezing cold, why not suggest a compromise?
experts advise that secretly wearing a vest, a v-neck jersey, a polo neck, an Arran jersey, an anorak, a fleece and a hoodie beneath your summer T- shirt greatly adds to the overall warmth of the human body, while detracting little from your over-all fashion statement.
11. Tibetan monks are said to raise their core body temperature by several degrees in the furthest reaches of the himalayas by indulging in an age-old practice known as ‘central heating’. Their method is surprisingly simple.
I) Walk serenely towards the nearest inner wall, known as ‘The Inner Wall’.
II) With immaculate calm, reach down towards a knob or tap. Now turn it clockwise.
III) In total silence, wait for the radiator to reach optimum heat.
IV) As if by magic, your room will grow warmer, and so will your body.
12. PIPPA Middleton’s new book, The happy Chilblain: Celebrating our Cold Snaps, is packed with excellent advice for those who are planning to venture outdoors during this chilly spell.
‘one of the great benefits of real snow is that you save an absolute fortune on fake snow,’ she observes. ‘Though, TBH, it’s a bit colder.’
To those wishing to venture outside in party shoes, she advises fixing stiletto heels to the bottom of your wellington boots with sticky tape. ‘ That way, you get all the glamour, but none of the damp!’