IRREVERENT MOTHER’S DAY CARDS TO GIVE THE PC LOBBY A SENSE OF HUMOUR FAILURE!

MUM knows best. And with Mother’s Day just days away, these cheeky messages from the book The Wit & Wisdom Of Mum are just the thing to prove it. Poking fun at what it’s really like to bring up a family in a very un-PC way, they’ll make any mother laugh out loud . . .

Recalling her doctor’s advice to eat more fruit, Mum popped off to put some cherries in her gin.

‘So Mummy, what did you do before you came to work for us?’

‘This might taste horrible, but it’s good for you,’ said Mum. ‘What is it?’ she asked. ‘Dad’s cooking,’ Mum replied.

‘Mummy, what will I be when I grow up?’ ‘Don’t be silly, you’re a bloke, you’ll never grow up!’

M um knew that the second day of a diet was always easier than the first. By the second day she was off it!

After yapping to her friend for two hours, Mum arranged to meet up with her so they could have a proper chat.

Mum had just read so much about the terrible effects of both chocolate and alcohol that she immediately decided to give up reading.

Finally, Mum decided to clear out her handbag. Finally she could relax after getting the baby settled down . . . It had been the longest 20-ish years of her life! Dad never, ever let go of Mum’s hand because he knew that if he did, she’d go shopping again. All Mum had to do was iron, polish, hoover, weed, clean the kitchen f loor, change the sheets and cook the dinner and then she could enjoy the rest of her birthday. Mum really enjoyed cooking with wine . . . andon rare occasions, some of it ended up in the food. Like most Mums, she knew the quickest way to get a child’s attention was to sit down and look relaxed. It’s a heart-wrenching moment for a Mum as she spits on the hankie and realises there is no one around to wipe it on.