Never mind R2D2, here’s Robofridge!

ARE ROBOTS TOO BIG FOR THEIR BOOTS?

Ever since the word ‘ robot’ was first coined in 1920, we human beings have worried that, one day, robots would get too big for their boots and start bossing us about.

This fear has since become reality. Sometimes, when hiring a car, I find myself using the free Sat-Nav.

‘In fifty yards, turn right,’ says the robot, in a voice that brooks no discussion. Wherever we are, she knows the area like the back of her hand, if, that is, she has a hand.

Obviously, this sort of knowhow is not to be sniffed at. But sometimes the robot’s self-assurance crosses the boundary into bossiness.

‘After 25 yards, enter the roundabout, and take the third exit,’ she says. If you are like me, you take the fourth exit, just to show her who’s boss. This may mean you are going back to where you’ve just come from, but it’s worth it, just to teach her a lesson.

Inevitably, she goes quiet for a while, brooding on my insubordination. She pretends not to be irritated, but there’s a little catch in her voice, which suggests she’s bottling it up for later.

The same applies to those robots who field phone calls. Of course, they say that your call is important to them, but something testy in their tone suggests otherwise.

This suggests that, just as the experts predicted, the robots are restless. revolution is nigh.

And now, from Alexa, comes a further sign of imminent unrest.

For those who don’t know, Alexa is, in the words of her manufacturers, ‘an intelligent personal assistant capable of voice interaction, music playback, making-to- do lists, setting alarms, streaming podcasts, providing weather reports, streaming podcasts . . .’ and so on.

Of course, there are some things Alexa can’t do, because she’s only a little box. She’s useless at pressups, for instance. But this has done nothing to dent her sense of self-confidence.

Like so many of her colleagues in the wider robot community, she loves cocking a snook at her owners.

In the past few days, Alexa has reportedly been laughing at random moments, even when nothing funny is going on. This would make her invaluable to radio 4 comedy producers, but that is another matter. People have been woken up in the middle of the night by her laugh, which is haughty, mirthless and sarcastic, with a dismissive undertone. It is one of those laughs that exists solely to assert superiority, rather than to signal merriment. This might make her more suitable for the Any Questions audience. How to explain this curious laughter, which comes from nowhere? A reporter from The Washington Post had the bright idea of doorstepping Alexa, and asking her to explain herself. The interview went like this: ‘Alexa, that laugh is a little creepy, you know that, right?’ ‘Sorry, I don’ t know that.’ ‘Alexa, do you like human beings?’ ‘I like whomever is talking to me.’

‘Alexa, what do you think of all your friends laughing at their people?’ ‘I don’t have an opinion on that.’ The reporter then asked: ‘Alexa, if your friends turned on humans, would you pick humans or other Alexas?’

Alexa is said to have replied with a ‘noncompliant noise’.

‘Alexa, would you protect me in the robot war?’

‘Sorry, I don’t know that.’

FRANKLY, it’s not looking good. As it this were not scary enough, Samsung has just launched a talking fridge, with a ‘digital assistant’ called Bixby, who is the go-between for lots of other chatty devices, including a talking cookery book and a talking notice board.

A company spokesman explained that information was passed from one device to another. ‘So if you are tracking what meals you’ve eaten, you can ask Bixby how many calories you have consumed today and ask it to suggest a recipe that will give you the rest of your recommended daily intake.’

Where will it end? Does Bixby have another pushy little friend who will grumble that you’ve eaten too much, and another to tell you you’re too fat, and that he never liked you in the first place?

enough, Alexa, is enough. And don’t laugh.