What trendy modern phrases make your toes curl?

As listeners bombard Radio 4 with their linguistic pet hates, QUENTIN LETTS has plenty of his own . . .

RADIO 4 listeners have erupted. When one of the station’s presenters told A Point Of View he hated the expression ‘going forward’, thousands joined the debate, disclosing words and phrases that irritated them. One was ‘cheeky’ — as in: ‘I had a cheeky gin and tonic.’ Other people were driven mad by ‘so’ to start a question. Here, QUENTIN LETTS presents his own list of linguistic horrors . . . Anything prefaced by ‘uber’, such as ubercool, uber-chef, uber-babe. Lol. Does it mean laugh out loud in text-speak, or lots of love? Train station. It is no such thing. It is a railway station because it is a station on the railway. Outside of. The ‘of’ is not necessary. Politicians who evade questions by beginning their responses: ‘What I can say is . . .’ I was sat/I was stood. They probably mean I was sitting or I was standing. Like. Teenage-girl tic that reached maddening levels about five years ago. ‘I was, like, omigod!’ Omigod. Specialty. In Britain, please, we say speciality. Mis-cheev-i-ous. Ah, bless. ‘I’ll get the . . .’ when used in cafes and restaurants by customers who are ordering. ‘I’ll get the Big Mac and fries.’ Sounds so rude, and ‘get’ is a word to avoid. Frankly. Whenever you hear this, prepare to be lied to. Pacifically, when really they mean specifically. ‘See it, say it, sorted.’ Used insistently on public transport Tannoys as a warning against suspect packages. A pulse of rain, as used by weather forecasters when they mean shower. Going forward. Why not just say ‘in future’? Consoltation. If it isn’t irritating enough to hear politicians boast about their usually meaningless public consultations, they invariably mispronounce the word. Shopkeepers who say ‘young man’ or ‘young lady’ to customers aged over 40. Absolutely, when used as a synonym for yes. ‘Passed.’ A BBC radio presenter on Monday morning said that ‘the great Ken Dodd has passed overnight’. Passed what? A kidney stone? Euphemisms for ‘died’ are never an improvement. Iconic. Deliver (from politicians). Go figure. Fit for purpose. Step up to the plate. People of all faiths and none. Similarly, ‘devout Christian’ when they probably mean ‘regular churchgoer’. Let’s leave a person’s depth of devotion to him or herself. Similarly, ‘staunch Methodist’. You seldom hear of any other type of Methodist, even though statistics suggest most of them are anything but staunch. Completely unique. A masterclass. ‘Myself’ when used at the start of a sentence. Sir Nick Clegg (who went to an expensive school) loved to say: ‘Myself and the Prime Minister . . .’ He should have said: ‘The Prime Minister and I . . .’ Pop. Must we pop everywhere these days? ‘I’m just going to pop into town.’ ‘Shall I pop in and see you?’ My brother-inlaw’s dentist told him the other day that he was ‘just going to pop into your mouth’. A nice cup of tea. What’s not to like? ‘The’ when they should say ‘a’ or ‘an’. As in: ‘Our guests on Woman’s Hour today include the social historian Bill Scroggins and the author Daphne Nashpond.’ Both Scroggins and Nashpond being obscurities, the indefinite article would be more accurate. Pre-planned. They mean planned. Crashed out. Used whenever a football team is knocked out of the FA Cup. Car-crash interview. Not only a cliche, but also horrible for anyone who has been involved in, or affected by, a bad road accident. From the get-go. Thought leadership. Political think-tanks say they are ‘in the business of thought leadership’. Is there not something Orwellian about this term? Where it’s at. Twitter storm. The last taboo. Unexpected item in the bagging area at the selfservice check-out. They mean, ‘Oi, are you trying to shoplift?’ Grandee. Translation: bitter old backbencher who has been at the gargle for the past 30 years and thinks he should be Prime Minister. Lockdown. Take it to the next level. ‘She fell pregnant.’ One rather doubts that is how it happened. One pence. A penny, please. Con-TRO-versy. Place the emphasis on the first syllable, if you don’t mind. I yield to no one in my admiration for . . . The greeting ‘yo!’, particularly when used by rich bankers or damp parsons. Listen up, people. TV historian Simon Schama says this. Sports coaches who say: ‘We can take some positives out of this.’ They try this on even when their team has been thrashed eight-nil. Crucial decider. If a game is a decider it is, by definition, going to be conclusive, which is what sports commentators are trying to say all along with that ‘crucial’. Ordinary people. Tony Blair often talked about them — and promptly ignored them. For free. Partially, when used to mean partly. Partial means biased (hence ‘impartial’). Lessons learned. Most lessons are in fact forgotten, within minutes. ‘Joining us on the line now, to discuss Brexit, is Lord Heseltine.’ Aaaargh! Talent-show judges (usually Louis Walsh) who say: ‘You nailed it,’ or ‘You gave it 110 per cent.’ Offering my/our thoughts and prayers. Overdone, usually by people who, being heathens, do not pray. Schedule, when pronounced with a ‘k’. Get with the programme. All this means is ‘conform’. ‘Double down’ and ‘no-brainer’. I don’t understand either of them.