Do YOU think your childre should see you naked?
Here, five Femail writers reveal whether they’re prepared to bare all in front of their children. Lauren Libbert, 47, lives in north-West London with her two sons, aged ten and 11, and says: ‘MY BOYS are used to seeing me naked. We have a bath together at least once a week and I often walk across the landing from my bedroom to theirs without a stitch on.
‘They’ve definitely become more intrigued with my body as they’ve grown older; there’s more pointing and sniggering and they ask lots more questions. Is that where I fed as a baby? What are those bumps? Why does the hair stop there?
‘I answer matter-of-factly, without embarrassment. But there are rules. No poking or prodding; our bodies are not shameful, but they are ours and should be treated with respect.
‘I always chatted to my mum when she was in the bath. As the youngest of five children, it was the one place I could catch her sitting still and I’d pop my feet into the water at the end and we’d sit and chat. I don’t think I even noticed she was naked.
‘I’ve always been very comfortable with my body and I’m convinced this openness in childhood is the reason. I want the same for my sons. To be comfortable in your skin is a gift.’ Lucy cavendisH, 51 (near right) is married to nick, 58 and lives in Oxfordshire. she has three sons, aged 21, 15 and 13, and a daughter, Ottoline, ten. Lucy says: ‘I’VE never paraded around naked, but since they were babies I’ve been relaxed about nudity in front of all the children. Even now, my boys, who are teenagers and older, will wander in when I’m having a bath or getting dressed. They’ll see me strip off on the beach or sunbathe topless.
‘Having been like this all their lives they take it in their stride, though they do tease me. “The whale’s getting into the bath,” they joke. After four children, my body comes with all the scars and saggy bits you’d expect. But in an age of airbrushed images I think it’s important they know what real women look like. Hopefully, though, they are more tactful around girls their own age.
‘Nudity certainly isn’t mandatory for them if they don’t want to bare all. I would never dream of walking in on my children getting changed.
‘Learning to love my body has been a long struggle and so I was determined my children would grow up to be more accepting of their own.
‘In particular, I want Ottoline to have a happier relationship with her body than I did with mine as a young woman. Already she has friends who are on diets and who say they hate their bodies. I want to spare her these negative feelings.’ KatHryn KnigHt, 46 (also pictured far right) lives in south-West London with husband duncan, 36, and their four-year-old daughter connie. Kathryn says: ‘I’VE always been a let-it-allhang-out kind of gal. Over the years my friends have got used to me padding round in the buff on holidays. (‘For goodness sake put it away’ is a common lament.)
‘It’s a theme that continues at home, where unless it’s sub-zero, I sleep in the nude and happily lounge around postshower with nothing on. I saw no reason to change that when Connie came along and, as a result, she’s entirely accustomed to my naked form, especially as she comes into bed every morning for a cuddle.
As far as I’m concerned, it’s gloriously healthy: my body has already proved a useful starting point for discussions about the difference in my shape and hers and how our bodies work.
‘In a world where there seems to be ever more focus on how we look — and perhaps more to the point ever more pressure to look a certain way — I want to teach Connie to be proud and accepting of her own body, however it turns out.
‘Allowing her to see my middle-aged form trotting about the bedroom is an important part of that and I can’t see any reason to stop — unless, like my girlfriends, she asks me to.’
TEssa CunnInghaM, 59, has two daughters, aged 25 and 26, and lives with her partner, Richard, 59, in Winchester. she says: ‘I TAKE my hat off to Victoria Derbyshire for walking around naked in front of her boys after having had a mastectomy. My daughters are now 25 and 26, but it’s something I have never been able to do. ‘When I had a mastectomy — losing my right breast at 48, just like her — my daughters were 14 and 15. Victoria’s sons are 11 and 13. ‘I told myself I was protecting them. The truth is I was protecting myself. I felt so horribly maimed, I was convinced anyone who looked at me would be revolted. Seeing fear or disgust in my daughters’ eyes would have pole-axed me. ‘Unlike Victoria, I chose not to have a reconstruction — I could not face more surgery. So, where once there was a breast, now there was just an ugly red scar. I felt I’d been butchered. ‘Given how unhappy I was, I think I was probably right to shield my daughters. To them, of course, I pretended I was perfectly fine with losing a breast. Only on occasions such as shopping for bras with them did my bravado fade a little. Lingerie stores — once lovely places to linger — became graphic reminders of all I had lost. ‘Now, 11 years on, I am at ease with my body. The scar has faded to a delicate pink. I no longer see my missing breast as proof of a sick, cancer ridden body, but of a battle fought and won. I hope that, simply by moving on, I have proved to my daughters exactly what Victoria is trying to show her sons: life without a breast really is OK.’ uRsula hIRsChkoRn is 46 and lives in north london with her husband Mike and four sons aged 14, 12 and nine-year-old twins. ursula says: ‘ ONE of my earliest memories is of my aunt standing naked and proud atop a rock above a freshwater pool in the South of France, her arms held aloft before she dived in, nothing left to the imagination.
‘Some might say this was a beautiful and natural thing — to me it was cringingly embarrassing.
‘I dreaded our annual trip to the sunshine as it would involve being with my whole family in the altogether. It was worse when my parents decided to import this laissez faire attitude to clothing to our house in England and started striding around without a stitch on.
‘It was the Seventies and they liked to think of themselves as freethinking bohemians and, unfortunately, failing to cover up in front of the children was a part of this new lifestyle. I hated being confronted by my naked mother or father. The sight of all that middle-aged flesh left me scarred for life.
‘The human body is, in general, not a pretty thing, particularly when it belongs to your ageing parents. That’s why I would never, ever walk around nude in front of my children. In my house bathroom doors are locked, we knock before entering and I always ensure I’m dressed or at least shrouded in a towel.
‘I’m doing them a favour, ensuring their first experience of the naked female form will be a far more enjoyable one.’