72 MINUTES ON HOLD — AND NO APOLOGY!

JOBCENTRE PLUS Ease of finding number? Easy to find on the government’s website Buttons pressed? Two. An automated voice then tells me all operators are busy. How long to get through to a

human? One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds. My phone arm aches like I’ve run a marathon, my phone battery almost goes and I feel a hot, inexpressible fury.

Music? Vivaldi’s Four Seasons, which is now forever ruined for me. It felt like being waterboarded in E Major.

Voiceovers? A posh- sounding woman asks me to hold, call back later, look for work or other Jobcentre Plus services every 45 seconds.

Was the call taker helpful? Once I got through, Adam sounded in about as good a mood as me. He was brisk and short. By now it was just after 6pm (his shift was technically up, according to the opening hours). I told him how long I’d been waiting and he said unfortunately they get a lot of calls on a Friday — no apology. Where are they? Torquay, Devon.

Overall satisfaction? For those relying on this number this is surely utterly unacceptable. 0/10