A FAST REPLY . . . BUT A DIRE SERVICE

SCOTTISH POWER Ease of finding number? Nigh- onimpossible. On the website, I’m repeatedly directed to log in or to articles about problems rather than being encouraged to speak to someone. Eventually, I Google it.

Buttons pressed? Three and four (I make two calls). How long to get through to a human? Four minutes (first call) and 36 seconds (second call). Music? Rock standards James Bay (Hold Back The River) and Paul Weller (Broken Stones). Voiceovers? None.

Was the call taker helpful? Disaster. I speak to three people. None can help. The last is apologetic but I’m told no one can help unless I have an account — even though the service I want is for new customers.

Where are they? Near Inverness, Scotland Overall satisfaction? I enjoyed the Paul Weller but the rest felt distinctly below par. 2/10