My penny farthing is such a joy
13 THINGS YOU DIDN’T KNOW ABOUT JACOB REES-MOGG
1. At 4-1, Jacob Rees-Mogg is current favourite to become the next leader of the Conservative Party, with Penelope Keith (9-2), Pippa Middleton (8-1) and the Earl of Grantham (14-1) in second, third and fourth places respectively.
2. HE REMAINS proficient on the bass guitar, and from time to time performs with veteran chart-toppers Lord Rockingham’s Xi in Fifties revival concerts. He is said to ‘come alive’ when playing their no 1 hit Hoots Mon — there’s A Moose in the Hoose, though he freely admits: ‘i frankly haven’t the foggiest idea what it all means.’
3. SWIMMING is among his favourite sports. He favours an old-style pin-striped bathing-costume that covers the torso. it has been specially fitted with a breast-pocket, where he places a waterproof handkerchief, ‘ just in case’.
4. His parents originally named Jacob after the savoury biscuits Jacob’s Cream Crackers. However, when he stood for Parliament he dropped the ‘cream’ and ‘crackers’ from his registration form, apparently for reasons of space.
5. HE WAS initially attracted to the Brexit cause by the promise of the return of the Hillman Hunter, Bronco toilet paper and Russ Conway, of whose 45rpm records he has long been an avid collector.
‘since then, i have vastly expanded my horizons. i now realise that Brexit is about much larger issues, too, among them our inalienable right to include snout in our Great British Banger, and to watch television in black and white, if that be our choice. these, i might add, are essential freedoms.’
6. JACOB’s favourite colour is rubrum; his second favourite is caeruleum.
7. HE ONCE queued for two hours to see the Chippendales at the Bristol Hippodrome.
‘i was expecting to see the most marvellous collection of exquisitely carved furniture, largely in mahogany, from the 18th century.
‘to my disappointment, there were very few items of furniture on display, and they were for the most part modern and utilitarian — kitchen chairs and so forth.
‘Moreover, what little furniture there happened to be was largely obscured by the, to my mind, wholly unnecessary young men cavorting in front of them in little more than their birthday suits.’
8. LAST year saw the foundation of Moggmentum, a Conservative activist group dedicated to supporting their political hero. Later that same year, Moggtivational speakers was formed, an organisation dedicated to providing Jacob Rees-Mogg lookalikes for speeches, lectures and fund-raising events.
9. As ONE of the Conservative Party’s youngest members, Jacob Rees-Mogg spearheaded their annual youth drive in 2017.
Having been announced as the Face of Youth, he happily submitted to answering questions from a representative of the ( now defunct) new Musical Express. Asked the name of his favourite DJ, he replied: ‘ oh, without the faintest shadow of a doubt, a doublebreasted affair tailored for me by new & Lingwood.’
10. HE RIDES a penny-farthing to the House of Commons, though he claims to be familiar with the London Underground, which he always finds ‘ surprisingly spacious’, adding that it provides ‘ plenty of room for one’s own cushions, family portraits, drinks cabinet and so forth’.
11. THE Mogg synthesizer, an early version of the Moog synthesizer, enjoyed a brief spell of popularity in the early sixties. Created in the Rees-Mogg family workshops, the Mogg synthesizer employed a complex system of wires, valves and foghorns to convert 20th-century music into Gregorian plainchant.
12. OVER the past few years, he has established himself as a popular fixture on many tv and radio shows, though in 2016 he faced some criticism after sending his personal pastry-chef to compete on his behalf in the Great British Bake-off.
13. in 2014, he came seventh in the i’m A Celebrity — Get Me out of Here! reality show, just behind spandau Ballet singer tony Hadley and Gogglebox star Giles wood. His appearance on the programme gave rise to controversy, with some critics arguing that he should not have been allowed to enter the jungle with a valet and two footmen. Later, on BBC Question time, Rees-Mogg denounced these critics as ‘typically Leftist’.