DEAR BEL,

MY MUM died in January. She was truly hideous, but I am finding I still have to mourn her. The problem is — I don’t know how. My father was an amazing, generous, hardworking wonderful man who died 17 years ago. I mourned him and still miss him now.

My mum was a psychopath. She was self-absorbed and would do anything to make herself the centre of attention.

I could tell you a million horrible stories, but I’m not sure I wish to be as self-indulgent as my bitch of a mother. She wanted me to be her subservient lackey — to drop out of school, and live with her for ever.

She told me I was mentally retarded from the age of four — so I worked really hard, got my PhD, career, house and family. All the way she tried to stop me, never once praising me.

We fought since I was 13. I should have walked away at 19 but was a glutton for punishment. We’d fight, not talk for a while, then stupidly I’d talk to her again, thinking it would be better this time. Never was.

When she died, she left my half of the money to only one of my two children — to spite me. At the funeral I found out she had told everyone horrific lies about me. Things like I had beaten her up, had tens of thousands of pounds of gambling debt, abused my son. Unbelievable.

In reality, I am a very middle-class lecturer, with two children, a wonderful husband and a house in a good neighbourhood. She turned me into this monster, so she could get attention.

My brother has never had a proper girlfriend, never had a proper job, never paid for anything, but he was Mum’s favourite — bailed out a million times. He was horrible to me and my kids.

My nasty stepdad took thousands out of my Mum’s account as she lay dying. I really don’t need to talk to them again.

In short, I am better off without her. No more phone calls and letters about how evil I am. No more travelling 150 miles to visit her and have a bloody miserable time. Yet I miss her — because she was my mum. I just don’t know how to mourn her and the rest of my old family. My present family wishes her name never to be uttered again. Any ideas how I move on? JANETTE