I’m 60 and dating. How do I ward off the pipe and slippers brigade?
STEPH & DOM Solve your sex, love & life troubles
TV’s steph and Dom Parker, 51 and 53, draw on their 20 years of marriage to solve your relationship problems...
QI’VE been a widow for five years, and a year ago I started online dating again. I’ve met some nice men, but the problem is, they all seem to be looking for a friend, not a girlfriend. I’m only 60 and am absolutely not ready to settle down with my knitting just yet!
I loved my late husband very much and I miss everything about him — including our healthy sex life. When I decided to start dating again, I hoped to find someone to have fun with.
I did meet one nice man in his mid-60s, but he was more interested in watching TV and going to bed early than he was in going to nice restaurants and having lovely romantic evenings.
I’m thinking about trying to meet a younger man, but I feel a bit foolish. What do you think I should do? DOM SAYS:
Well, here’s a tricky question! Normally, I hear from women who are upset that men they meet online seem only interested in one thing! So, perhaps it’s not so terrible o to be in your situation. But, I can well understand your desire for a healthy love life. How to fix your problem? As we all know — even those of us who’ve been lucky enough never to have been on dating websites — there are websites and there are websites. Are you on the right one? Have you signed up to one for oldies only? But, assuming you’ve found the right platform, it must be that your profile is attracting the wrong type of man for you.
You have to think of your profile as an advert. Think about your picture. What are you wearing? Be honest — do you look a bit dowdy? Are you sure? (not even a bit?) Clothes maketh the man and the woman.
The next thing you need to think about is the blurb you write — you need to make it clear what you’re looking for. You’re 60 — definitely not old (it’s also not very far off for me, so it better bloody not be!), so you need to make it clear that you still feel young.
Why not describe yourself as ‘fit’, ‘active’ and ‘still fabulous’, then say ‘ looking for similar’? There’s no harm in spelling out what you expect from a chap. To be certain you could add ‘no cocoa!’ or ‘pipe and slippers need not apply’. A note of caution though. Don’t overdo it. You do not want to attract a man who’s only after sex. And don’t judge a book
just by its cover. When someone sends you a message, ask them what they got up to at the weekend. If he tells you he watched the racing on TV, then went to the tip, you’ll have a clear picture of how he likes to spend his time . . .
A bit of a rebrand will discourage the cardigan brigade and attract the old dogs who are still full of life! STEPH SAYS:
Poor you! I’m not surprised you’re despairing — online dating is just such an awful, awful way to meet people. I really feel for anyone who has to go through it, but I understand from my single friends it’s just the way it is today.
So, how to make the best of a bad lot? Well, it’s brutal, but men are primarily quite visual creatures — for them, a huge part of online dating is all about the photograph you put up. I know it shouldn’t be, but it is — so focus on that image.
Get highlights, lowlights, whatever kind of lights you need to take a few years off. And why not try a free makeup consultation at your favourite department store? After 40, we can use all the help we can get!
It’s fine to use a filter — it’s easy to do on your phone (get a Millennial to do it for you if you can’t). Unfortunately you need to take this bit seriously, as mortifying as it might seem. The key here is to put some youth back into your profile — because I truly don’t think you want a younger man.
First, because older men are naturally interested in younger women, which is probably part of the problem: all those 60-something Peter Pans trying to pick up women half their age.)
And really, do you want to spend your Saturday night at some screamingly loud concert? Or in a club full of bright young things? Of course not. What’s more, a younger man is just as capable of being boring and unenthusiastic about life as an older one. You need to connect with someone who is young at heart. The way to do it is to work backwards from the result you want. Think about the kind of man you’d like to meet, then think what he’d want in a woman.
Like attracts like, so you need to embody what you are looking for: joie
de vivre, get-up-and-go. Ask yourself honestly: do you?
If not, don’t wait to meet a man to make your own life more exciting. Go to the restaurants you like and have a lovely time — then you’re much more likely to meet someone who enjoys a similar lifestyle.
Human attraction is not about some sterile computer algorithm! So, yes, I think you should rev up your profile — not least because taking some fabulous pictures will make you feel great. But, just as importantly, put down your phone, look up and smile.
Try to communicate with men on a real level, not a virtual one. Go out in the world. Be open. Talk to people. Have fun with your friends.
You never know who you’ll meet, or where you’ll meet them, but please don’t forget that it won’t necessarily be online.
And remember: if you feel good about yourself, you will be confident, sassy and happy. Who could resist that?