Twitter comes up trumps for a jolly good laugh

Wetherspoons has dropped its social media accounts, while thousands are fleeing the inquisitive clutches of Facebook, fed up with being harvested like the cash crop they are.

Far from being a joyous new freedom, and a safe and enjoyable way to communicate with loved ones, social media sites have become fraught with peril — but look on the bright side. they are a dependable barometer of folly and stupidity.

Without twitter or Instagram, how would we know that pop star olly Murs heard imaginary gun-shots in London’s selfridges, causing a public stampede? or that Lily Allen is a lemon-pip-brained Lefty conspiracy theorist, rapper stormzy appeared to have ‘drug paraphernalia’ in his home and that Donald trump is, well, Donald trump!!!!!

this week alone, the former wife of cheating tV sports presenter richard Keys went to the police to complain about a disobliging tweet from his sister, who claimed she was lying in a book she has written about Keys’ infidelity with his daughter’s best friend.

haven’t the cops got better things to do? Yes. police sergeant Leanne Carr is under investigation for posting Instagram photographs of herself living it up at holiday hotspots around the world, after being signed off sick for seven months.

My dolt- o- meter has exploded under the strain of these antics. But thank you, twitter, for the jolly good laugh.