PETER CROUCH

Carroll’s killer goal gave me a sleepless night ...that’s how much it hurts

IT still hurts now. You’d think after nearly 20 years as a professional footballer that dealing with setbacks would get easier but it doesn’t. In all honesty, it never will.

To give you an idea of how difficult the week has been since our 1-1 draw with West Ham, I want to go back to November 2007 when England played Croatia at Wembley — that’s the only other time in my career where I have experienced such wildly different emotions so close together.

That night shouldd have been one of the best moments of my career. er. As you’ll remember, r, we were losing 2-0 but fought back in the second half and I scored our equaliser. What a feeling! There’s a picture of Joe Cole and Frank Lampard running to celebrate with me but t they couldn’t catch up.

I was lost in the moment, ment, screaming and shoutinging with emotions pouring out. To be the man who sent England to a major tournament? It’s one of those things you dream about as a kid, something that is difficult to top.

But 12 minutes later, Mladen Petric scored, Croatia won 3-2 and we were out. Elation became devastation and the dream was ripped away. The swing of going from such a high to such a low is almost impossible to comprehend.

In the dressing room on Monday, my emotions were the same as on that night at Wembley. It had been a long time between goals this season, so when I scored to put us ahead so late in the game I really thought that was going to be it: we’d win and three points would boost our survival fight.

I was pleased to score and I think the over-exuberant celebration reflected that!

The celebration had nothing to do with becoming Stoke City’s record scorer in the Premier League. It was born out of frustration for the club, the fans, the team, the city and the situation we find ourselves in and should never have found oursourselves in. WWe have let them dodown. As I’ve been oon the bench a lot tthis season I undertand how they feel, helpless at seeing results sslide by. So when I was thrown on I wawas desperate to makmake an impact. I’m sure yyou’ll understand why I celcelebrated as I did. It was raw emotion and I got booked for jumping in the crowd but I was probably lucky to escape a second yellow... I’ve got no memory of this but Joe Allen told me I elbowed him in the mouth on my way to celebrate with the fans! I’d lost the plot.

But then Andy Carroll (above) did what Petric did 11 years ago. Fair play to Andy, it was a great strike but it was a killer for us. The dressing room was silent afterwards and it felt like we had lost. I couldn’t sleep when I got back to my house as I was so wound up. Those extra two points were huge. You don’t lose focus or lose heart when you return to training — we are all confident that we can beat Burnley tomorrow — but that doesn’t stop you thinking about what has happened over the season or the position we are currently in.

I’ve been in a relegation battle once before, with Southampton in 2005. It was terrible but I have bittersweet memories: I only spent a season there and scored 13 goals after Christmas, which led to me winning my first England call.

The feelings this time are more intense as I’ve been here for seven years. This is home. I know everyone and understand how they are suffering. I see it in the face of a lovely old guy called Stuart, who works at the training ground and brings me oatcakes every day. Stoke is his life.

It’s embarrassing that we are in the bottom three, as the position is everything opposite to what the club represents. When I talk to players who are considering signing for us, I always say the same thing: we are a well-established, well-run club with an owner who does not hire and fire on a whim.

That was the sell. That was why conceding that goal on Monday hurt so much as it has put everything in the balance. But there is still hope.

We have four games left and nothing has been decided. We will keep fighting.