Cancer mother who says: I hope my kids won’t remember me
AS the mother of two young children, Kim Debling should have been looking forward to creating many happy memories with them.
But after developing a rare incurable cancer that left her face and body disfigured, she has revealed she doesn’t want them to remember her at all.
With heartbreaking honesty, she says she wants to spare one-yearold Rose and six- month- old Harvey the pain of loss when they are older.
Doctors have given the 34-yearold former RAF air traffic controller months to live. She is too unwell to have a stem cell transplant which could extend her life by up to five years.
‘I know Rose and Harvey won’t remember me and that’s a good thing,’ she said yesterday.
‘ No Disney character ever became a hero without losing a parent but, in a way, I don’t want the kids to get to know me so I can save them the terrible loss.
‘I wonder what my children will think of me and what conclusions they will draw about me when I am gone. But I still want to be the best mum I can ever be, no matter how long I have left.’ Mrs Debling, of Basingstoke, Hampshire, was diagnosed with non-Hodgkin lymphoma in May 2016, six months after becoming pregnant with Rose through IVF. She had noticed a red rash around her waist and was referred to a skin specialist.
‘When I heard the word “lymphoma” I was devastated,’ she said. ‘They told me I had a rare type of non-Hodgkin lymphoma that affects the skin, where the symptoms are a raised rash or itchy patches of skin, lumps on the skin and swollen lymph nodes.’
A course of ultraviolet B (UVB) treatment, which involved standing in a sunbed- style booth, followed until a fortnight before Rose arrived in August 2016.
Mrs Debling, who along with her RAF pilot husband Steve, 32, served in Iraq and Afghanistan, then had 40 sessions of PUVA treatment, another form of ultraviolet light therapy.
A course of radiotherapy was started in February last year. Mrs Debling became pregnant again – this time naturally. But the day after the positive pregnancy test she discovered a lump in her groin. Last July, she was told that a scan and biopsy had shown the cancer had returned and was now incurable after spreading to her lymph nodes. ‘Steve and I were new parents,’ she said. ‘We had another one on the way. Our new life together should have been just beginning. The idea of leaving him as a single dad crushed me.’
She was given a course of chemotherapy suitable for pregnant patients, stopping for Harvey’s birth last October. A few weeks ago dozens of angry red lumps began to appear on her face and body, although radiotherapy has helped them to shrink. ‘I am trying to remain positive,’ she said. ‘My life is actually one of real joy and happiness, despite my diagnosis.’