Ephraim Hardcastle

CHARITY Times has organised a conference on Thursday at which Kids Company founder Camila Batmanghelidjh CBE will speak about ‘reputation and charities’, including advice on how to ‘safeguard against unexpected risks and attacks’. Is this appropriate? Kids Company, chaired by BBC bigwig Alan Yentob, ploughed through roughly £50million of public money in questionable ways. The Insolvency Service says: ‘Disqualification proceedings continue against former chief executive, Camila Batmanghelidjh, as well as directors Erica Jane Bolton, Richard Gordon Handover, Vincent Gerald O’Brien, Francesca Mary Robinson, Jane Tyler, Andrew Webster and Alan Yentob.’ THE Speaker John Bercow must wonder if he’ll get a peerage if he’s driven from office after allegations (which he denies) that he bullies staff. His predecessor, Michael Martin, got one after being forced to resign after an expenses row. Bercow already has his own coat of arms, whatever. It includes roundels to represent his love of tennis, rainbow colours to promote his support for the LGBT community and the motto, All Are equal, with the words punctuated by pink triangles. There’s a ladder to signify his rise, as the son of a taxi driver. ‘Ladders are for coming down as well as going up,’ notes my source. TWINKIE S, a by invitationdrinking club for royal servants, is on the verge of extinction following the demise last month of Willow, pictured, the Queen’s last corgi. Why so? Prospective members had to pass an initiation test – pick up a corgi and kiss it passionately on the nose, a hazardous undertaking given the breed’s unpredictable temper. My source says: ‘The task was made harder by the fact HM’s furry friends were more often than not in the royal presence and the Queen disliked anyone toying with them.’ NOVELIST Jeffrey Archer, 78, reminded during an interview that a critic once stated that ‘describing your characters as wooden was an insult to the carpentry trade’, laughs mirthlessly and replies, ‘That must have been 30 years ago! Whoever wrote that is presumably dead today. I, on the other hand, am doing great.’ Disarming modesty – his lordship’s trademark! NOW a member of Labour’s National Executive Committee, cross-dressing comic Eddie Izzard, 56, publicly urges comrades to let him know ‘what went wrong’ at the local elections, saying: ‘Do send messages in so we can put it forward to the leadership of the Labour Party. We can make adjustments.’ Might Eddie consider his own elevation to the leadership a desirable adjustment? LeSS-than-discreet novelist Kathy Lette, 59, says ‘a now-or-never feeling’ has taken hold of her after she and QC husband Geoffrey Robertson ‘separated on amicable terms after a 28-year marriage’. She adds: ‘My mind is jumping from one missed opportunity to another... I’ve never been in a threesome. I want to have adventurous sex – like say, in a hot tub.’ Form an orderly queue – or, go into hiding. Email: peter.mckay@dailymail.co.uk