Today’spoem

THE EVENING GUEST

The happy couple have named the day, a guest list penned with care, I receive a card to save the date so buy a new hat to wear. The bride has many pretty friends, but as maids they’ve been rejected, There’s only room for one princess — so frumpy friends selected. The invitation arrives at last; it’s festooned in doves of blue Then to my horror I discover it’s just to the evening do. The evening guest is a B-list guest who misses the nuptial feast, The best man’s speech, the wedding march and the blessing from the priest. On arrival, speeches aren’t over, so one waits in a draughty hall Until it’s time for the opening dance under the glitter ball. Daytime guests have had a meal and plenty of free wedding wine, Evening guests get a bacon roll when it’s long past dinner time. The trendy venue is a converted barn miles and miles away, So if one has a drink or two it will involve an overnight stay. As the pair have lived for years together in unwedded bliss They don’t require any tableware, toast racks or a Pyrex dish. So they ask the wedding guests to give them gifts of money, Then off they’ll go on honeymoon to somewhere hot and sunny. I’ll have to pay for drinks at the bar and a night in a hotel room Have a bacon roll for dinner and pay for their honeymoon. Pondering on all these factors at last I make a decision; I won’t be an evening guest. I’ll stay home and watch television. Ann Coward-Sale, St Albans, Herts.

...andLimerick

The problem of plastic pollution Requires a drastic solution. But what we have now Is a lack of know-how, And a state of collective confusion. David Skelton, Goole, E. Yorks.