With fronds like these, you could make a right royal bucket of cash!
We ALL know about the swans. They belong to the Queen and, if you’re planning to barbecue Britain’s biggest bird, you need royal consent. Though honestly, it’d be easier to buy lots of chicken wings from Tesco.
What almost no one knew, until Kate Humble pulled on her wetsuit in Back To The Land (BBC2), is that you also need a Crown Licence if you’re intending to scoop up some seaweed. Slimy, smelly and submerged it may be, but it’s the property of Her Majesty.
The seabed around Britain is managed by the Crown estates, whose website warns that anyone wanting to harvest a basket of kelp needs a licence.
Luckily, ‘collection for personal use’ in ‘small quantities’ is allowed — so if you came back from the beach this Bank Holiday with bladderwrack wrapped round your bucket and spade, you might not face execution at the Tower.
Cornish seaweed farmers Tim and Caro are well versed in these fearsome regulations, because their new business consists of diving for ‘sea greens’, drying them, and selling them as a delicacy to foodie restaurants.
To add an extra challenge, Tim insists on free- diving, without a snorkel or aqualung. And Caro is pregnant. Little wonder presenter Kate spent much of the show staring at them as if they were both completely unhinged.
In fact, there’s good money to be made in fresh seaweed — or ‘sea spaghetti’, as it is called on posh menus. Stir-fried, it’s a healthy substitute for noodles. And dried, the reddish fronds called dulse are a superfood, and supposed to taste like bacon.
Back To The Land is stuffed with unlikely and inventive ways to cultivate a living. That makes for an interesting and entertaining hour, as reminiscent of the entrepreneurial Dragon’s Den as it is Countryfile.
The trend seems to be for selling produce with a story behind it, such as the bridal bouquets created by friends Becca and Maz. They grow traditional Cornish wildflowers to garnish weddings with the same blossoms that brides might have carried in Poldark’s day.
The duo started with £500 worth of seeds and now charge up to £1,600 a wedding. Business is blooming.
Beer-lover Stuart’s brews, infused with wild herbs that he forages from the hedgerows, also look likely to find a wide market. And farmer’s wife Tanya was rearing thousands of ducklings, to be made into juicy burgers. Well, it’s less trouble than swan-hunting.
Innovative schemes and new ideas aren’t required for The Secret Life Of 5 Year Olds (C4), which has hit upon the perfect format and is not going to monkey with it.
A dozen bright, confident and articulate children are let loose in a North London playroom studded with hidden cameras, and left to make friends with minimum supervision.
Now and then, a teacher sets a challenge, to see who will share nicely or pinch sweeties when the grown-up’s back is turned.
If you’ve never seen one of these shows, they are all the same. The little ’uns are precocious and adorable, though oddly forgettable — new episodes are identical to old repeats.
A couple of child psychologists give the show a scientific gloss. It’s not really educational, just an excuse to enjoy the children’s antics and heart-melting chatter.
This week’s theme was ‘being naughty’. Little Nathaniel was asked: ‘Who is the naughtiest person you’ve ever heard of?’
‘Donald Trump!’ Nathaniel promptly replied. Liberal politics start to develop young in North London.