Mothers who say they enjoy giving birth
Yes, you DID read that right. And they claim ANY woman can feel the same!
When the Duchess of Cambridge stood on the steps of the Lindo Wing with her new baby boy last month, her perfect blowdry and heels caught the public’s attention.
But to me, the look on her face was far more interesting. hours after giving birth, she looked relaxed, healthy and elated — much as she had after her other two children were born.
This led to intense speculation over what ‘tricks’ she’d used to look so serene and happy within hours of labour — an experience more often regarded as a gruelling ordeal.
no make-up artist could have faked that happy glow or the light in her eyes. Instead, I suspect that for Kate, childbirth is something she enjoys. I felt the same giving birth to my own three children.
When a mother has a positive experience in labour these days, we tend to put this down to luck. But I — and some women like me — think there’s more to it than that. It’s important to share these stories.
I was lucky enough to have two friends whose faces lit up when they talked about having their babies, and it was their knowledge which made me see there was another way.
There were moments when I worried how I would cope. During my first pregnancy, a bad bout of trapped wind at seven months was enough to render me hysterical. But when the time came and my contractions started, that fear wasn’t there. I knew what was happening, and felt in control.
I remember washing the kitchen floor with my mum in the early stages. Going for a walk with my husband Danny. And then finally, on the Wednesday lunchtime, having had my first contractions on the Monday, I felt this huge shift. now there was no choice but to get on my hands and knees and lean forward on the sofa. To close my eyes and breathe.
As planned, we headed for edgware Birth Centre, an nhS midwife-led unit, which was about an hour away. On arrival, my midwife was amazing, I was made comfortable in my own space, filling a birthing pool, and staying quiet so that I could concentrate. When you’re being cared for properly, birth doesn’t feel like something frightening or wrong.
TOO many women are made to feel like passive patients. Giving birth in an unfamiliar, institutional setting can lead to feelings of helplessness and make labour seem harder. It is run by the same part of the brain as sleep, the hypothalamus, so you just have to switch off and let your body take over.
I remember hearing these great mooing noises and then realising they were coming from me. I opened my eyes for a second to see Danny staring at me, a bit shocked I guess.
But our daughter, Constance, was born not long after. It was such an empowering experience that it drove me to switch from journalism to become an active birth teacher and doula.
One mother I supported as a doula is Maggie Sverlander, 29, an actress from London who started researching how to have a good birth while pregnant with her first child.
‘The more I learned about what actually happens in labour — how the baby and body work together — the more my fear evaporated,’ says Maggie. ‘When my labour started at home, I focused on moving, breathing, having a warm bath. My husband followed my lead, trusting me to get on with it until it was time to go.
‘I waited until I could feel the sensations accelerating and pressure building, which I knew was a sign of things progressing. It gave me confidence. It wasn’t scary — it was exciting.’
Maggie’s baby girl, Scarlett, now three months, arrived two hours after she reached hospital — eight hours after her contractions first started.
‘I felt so focused by the time I went in to hospital. I wore an eyemask and earplugs to help me concentrate. It was empowering, strong, instinctive. I felt naturally high for days afterwards.’
Letting your body take control is a big key to having a simple birth. ‘I was anxious about giving birth,’ says Jenny Pierce, 32, a teacher from Woburn Sands, Bucks. ‘I used to be a serious tennis player, so I saw it as a test I needed to be strong for.
‘Thankfully, after lots of research, I learned that the opposite was true. Birth is an involuntary function. The trick was to give my body enough privacy and quiet for the hormones that drive birth to take over,’ adds Jenny, who had an nhS midwife and private doula with her when her son Max, now two, was born at home.
‘I enjoyed birth,’ she says. ‘It was hard, but it was also positive and powerful. And being tucked up afterwards in my own bed, with my husband and baby, felt fantastic.’
Jemma Leighton, 34, from Middlesex, agrees. ‘People think I’m crazy when I say I enjoyed giving birth. But I was almost disappointed when my second labour was so quick.
‘I had both my babies, everley, who is two-and-a-half and Rory, who’s now a month old, at home, because that way I had full control. When you understand what’s going to happen, how it’s actually going to feel: the tightenings building to cramps, the cramps building to waves, the waves becoming pressure and weight in your lower back — you can recognise each stage of birth and work with it.
‘It’s like having a map. If you know your way, you can relax into it and enjoy the journey.’
The fact is that labour doesn’t have to mean hours of misery.
Of course, genuine medical complications can affect any woman. But for others, this special time is ruined by fear, lack of support, and the fact that an increasing number of births are being induced.
Women disappointed or traumatised by their birth experience aren’t helped to understand what might have disturbed their labour. Instead, they blame themselves or feel they shouldn’t complain about it as long as the child is healthy.
Jemma says: ‘ Things are changing. Mothers are becoming curious and learning from each other. It’s what women used to have. Some of that is returning, meaning lots of women are now discovering that birth can be something to enjoy.’